Peggy's funeral was this last Friday

GothicGremlin

I'd been dreading it for all of the obvious reasons, but I was happy with the way it turned out.

Peggy's friend M and I did the bulk of the planning, and we were on the same page from start to finish. Honestly, I don't think I could have done it without his help.

I was determined to keep the eulogy as light and cheerful as I could make it because Peggy was an optimistic and cheerful person. I kept it fairly short too. I'm going to share one part of it here because it's a funny story, and because most of my Peggy stories are Alzheimer's/FTD-related, and not funny at all.

Here's an (edited) excerpt:

When we were kids my parents took us to see Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. My parents. Good people, but not especially good at selecting appropriate movies for children.

So -- spoiling the end of the movie -- Butch and the Sundance Kid are holed up in a shack somewhere in Bolivia, surrounded by the police and a large number of guys from the Bolivian army. They decide they can't stay in the shack forever so they make a break for it. They run out the door guns blazing. Guns are blazing from the police and army as well. The action freezes and goes from technicolor to sepia, while the Burt Bacharach score wells up. No one watching that movie would think that Butch and Sundance escaped alive. Except Peggy. When the movie ended, Peggy said "they got away, didn't they?" Of course we said 'yes'.

After the funeral we had a celebration of her life in the hall next door. My brother's band played, which was really nice. When he was done we played '80s music. Most of the music was stuff she sang in the band she had in the '90s. Things like "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Pat Benatar, "Don't You Want Me" by the Human League, and "Borderline" by Madonna. The most controversial song I added was "Good-by to You" by Scandal. Peggy's friend and former bandmate T told me that the two of them would always sing that song at the end of every gig they had, so it seemed appropriate. But my s.o. was like, "good-bye to you"?? I took a poll before I included it - most of Peggy's friends loved it, so I kept it.

We had put together a slide show of photos from all points in her life and played that in a loop during the celebration.

I think Peggy would have approved.

I've been processing the whole thing since Friday. I'm sure I'll miss Peggy forever, but I'm starting to feel lighter, I'd forgotten that feeling. Tomorrow I meet with my therapist, probably for the last time.

M1

Thank you for sharing this. Sounds perfect, it really does. I envy you the feeling of lightness and look forward to it..... You saw it through. All the way. Thanks sis.

Jgirl57

it sounds like a wonderful tribute for Peggy. She would now probably want you to reclaim your life. Thank you for sharing your ups/downs/solutions and helpful insights.

harshedbuzz

It sounds like a Peggy-perfect celebration.

That's a funny story about the movie. It sounds like something my parents would have also done.

HB

ButterflyWings

Beautiful!

SusanB-dil

awww… GG - sounds perfect. you 'think Peggy would approve' - We KNOW she would! without a doubt. That is a beautiful celebration of her life. Thank you for sharing so much of you together.

Jeanne C.

That sounds like the sendoff I would want. Well done. Take care of yourself in the quiet that follows.

forbarbara

thank you GG. Your sharing lightens us, too.

housefinch

Sounds lovely. Awesome music!!!! Hugs to you. I hope you get a chance to rest and grieve and care for yourself now.

Iris L.

Thank you for sharing your tribute to Peggy.

Iris

mommyandme (m&m)

Your tribute and send off to Peggy sounds beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing yours and your sis’ journey with us. May you carry her light(ness) with you forever and beyond.

JeriLynn66

Thank you for sharing the lovely tribute and farewell. The music was awesome! Don't be a stranger Sister. Many hugs and much light to you. 💜

Beachfan

How nice! It sounds like a well planned, fitting send off; one which will provide comforting memories in the days, weeks and months ahead. I agonized over how to proceed when DH passed; he was a long time fixture in our town, but low key and quiet overall. We ended up with a full Memorial Mass and a large gathering afterward at the local Country Club. With all the stories, laughter, and tears shared, and the 43 minute video highlighting his/our life and his career, he was finally “whole” again after such a long time gone from us. I am eternally grateful.
Well done, Sis- - savor the memories.

ladyzetta

Thank You, GG for sharing, that was beautiful. Hugs to You, Zetta

Emily 123

Bless you GG—what a lovely way to gather and remember Peggy.

Jackie_K

Thank you so much for sharing. My mom's name is Peggy so I had to of course read this. What a beautiful celebration of life. Peggy sounds like she was quite the character! May her memory bring you comfort and peace in the coming months ahead.

Quilting brings calm

GG

I think it’s a wonderful send off.

dancsfo

@GothicGremlin

It was a good way to celebrate and honor her life, and I think it sure beats just mourning.

Anonymousjpl123

gothicgremlin what perfect music set to celebrate your sister Peggy. I would have loved her band’s sets! I am glad you are feeling a bit lighter. Thank you for sharing this.

GothicGremlin

Thanks you guys. As always, I appreciate it.

It's taken me a litle while to come back to this mostly because I didn't realize how close to burnout I really was. I'm slowly coming back to the life I had before Alzheimer's/FTD…. at least it feels like recovery. It's definitely a crossroads, but there are a few good options, so I'm looking forward to moving on with one of them. I'm going to stick around on the site for some amount of time. When I first got here, I remember feeling so lost because I knew nothing at all about dementia. So many people were kind to me and gave me such good advice, I hope to pay it forward where I can.

M and I have also been spending some time processing everything that's happened. He gets along with my s.o. and I can imagine us becoming real friends. I'm really happy about this because he's such a special person - and was such a caring, thoughtful, and steadfast friend to Peggy.

I've started going through Peggy's things - the stuff I hadn't gone through before. When we were kids we all watched Dark Shadows (a soap opera with vampires, witches, ghosts, etc.). Peggy still has her Josette's music box and it still plays! M is also a big fan of Dark Shadows, so I gave it to him. He actually gasped when he unwrapped it. 🙂 So yeah, going through and deciding what to keep, what things to give to her special friends, etc. It'll take some time.

I've decided I'm going to keep my therapist for a little while longer, I can see where she can help me out.

Thanks again.

Oh! And I want to leave a photo here. I think this is probably how Peggy would like to be remembered - singing a song (probably from the '80s) at a performance somewhere. I'm not sure what year this was, and I'm terrible at judging ages, but I'm thinking maybe mid-1990s?

concerned_sister

From a relative newbie, thanks for the kindness to pay it forward.

For My Sister

Thank you GG for all you’ve shared.

My little sister Nancy, who is traveling the same road as your Peggy did, is still hanging in, even tho the nurses in her Memory Care unit are lovingly telling me that she is nearing the end.

But I want to thank you!!

In the beginning, for many months, I was in denial that Nancy had this terrible disease. I had explanations for all of her behaviors.

But every time I read your postings about what Peggy was going through, I recognized that Nancy was going through the exact same things that Peggy was.
And that made me realize Nancy’s disease was real.
Your postings guided me to reality!!

So thank you, thank you, thank you for helping me through this terrible time.

And many blessings to Peggy, and to you.

And remember, someday the 4 of us will meet 😊

M1

Great picture GG. It helps so much to remember our loved ones before disease ravaged them.

GothicGremlin

@For My Sister ❤️