how to get them to do things

Caring4mom

so mom just got back from a place called unity and she did great there....she did their routine got up ate did group things....yesterday she came back home and this morning took us 2 hours to get her up a d then all she wanted to dosas to go lay back down after we got her up....so over the fight

Emily 123

Maybe it was a lot for her? I know my mom needs more rest after a day where she has to navigate new things.

mommyandme (m&m)

Welcome to the forum, sorry you’re facing this journey though.

Not sure what stage your mom is…she may be exhausted from “show timing” (appear capable, normal, herself) for the group. Some show time in front of medical personnel which may delay a diagnosis which might also frustrate their caregiver. You sound a bit frustrated, I’m so sorry. Frustration is also par for the course. As caregivers we can learn patience, though the learning curve may be steep, it was for me.

Sometimes travel (a retreat?), mixing up their routine, hospitalizations etc… can send a patient into decline. Hopefully they come back to baseline eventually. If it was me, after learning tons from this forum, I’d try to accept this issue as she’s needing to rest and will work back into being herself with your understanding and love. She literally might not be able to do “the normal” right now. I hope she gets back to her normal, unfortunately decline doesn’t always bounce back.

Also, there may be physical trouble like a silent UTI (no symptoms) which can wreak havoc on our LOs abilities. If this continues, getting a doctors evaluation for any type of infection etc… might be in order.

Keep coming back, lots of great advice and understanding here.

5sibes

My mom went to an art therapy class and slept most of the next day. Thank for naming the "show timing" and how mixing up their routine, while I'm thinking novelty would help engage her brain more, could actually cause decline.
I'm wondering if it's OK for her to do something new and be exhausted the next day? Maybe her brain does need a day's rest, but does the stimulation also help? She did seem more alert 2 days after the therapy class. But I don't want to overstimulate her to the point of overwhelming anxiety.

Anonymousjpl123

yes I think stimulation and activity takes a lot out of PWD. I wanted so badly to give my mom the things she said she wanted - movies, pool walking, art lessons - and she did each of them once, maybe twice, but it totally drained her. She can do the activities here in memory care but a lot of the time our visits are both of us relaxing in her room and occasionally talking. It’s fantastic of you to make sure she has stimulation, but it may be she can only tolerate small doses.