Driving Battles Continue

wose

@kimeche …I can relate and unfortunately it is extremely dangerous for him to drive and we as caregivers are held responsible for their actions, not to mention the unbearable burden of guilt you’d have if he killed somebody. I’m sorry, I am in the same exact spot.💜 And now my rant for the day—My DH got a letter from the DMV that his license will be revoked if he doesn’t pass a knowledge and skill test in 30days. The 30 days will be up on Monday. I didn’t know someone had bought him a book to study. I found it in his suitcase when unpacking from our eclipse trip from hell. So this morning he wakes me up at the crack of dawn so we can go take the test. He said he’d been up since 3 am studying. Don’t know how the heck he remembered about Monday but he did. He Passed the Damn Test! Now he’s all high on himself and so proud. The knowledge test allowed him to pass questions in the computer he didn’t know, so he only had to get 15 right. Skill test is on Sat. Just when you think it’s passed —back to the beginning again. Now he’s furious because I ruined the best day of his life when I Would Not let him drive home😢

jsps139_

I am so sorry you are dealing with this again! A lot of us deal with the driving issue, and it is so difficult. I wish driving privileges would automatically be revoked at the time of diagnosis. If the doctor would be required to report it to the DMV, that would be so helpful for caregivers. I’m dreaming of course.

D. Otto

My mom hasn't driven in about 8 months. Suddenly she started driving again and now wants to drive 15 hours to Texas. She is packing her bags as we speak. Every time we have this discussion, she gets so angry and awful. She gets lost and panicked when she leaves. I don't know what to do.

Iris L.

"There are tornados and flooding in Texas and the authorities have closed the highways." This will work for a few days. In the meantime, think about how to safely disable the car and say it needs to go in for servicing. The needed part comes from overseas and is back-ordered. Other members may have better suggestions.

Iris

rockymtngrrl

My neighbor's LO is constantly wanting to go back to the big city and he did finally take away all the keys. She then would come to my house and ask me. Of course we were in coordination and luckily it was winter. The road really did close a few times but we would tell her it was closed or the weather was bad. One time we actually sat in the car and she kept trying to start it but we finally convinced her it was "broken" and wouldn't drive.

ButterflyWings

Everything @Iris L. and others suggested. Also…

Disappear the keys. Remove battery from the key fob. Leave the lights on so the car battery dies. Lose the garage door opener or keys if there is a back door. Repeat as often as needed. Have a trusted friend park her car offsite until you can legit sell it. I was to the point that I would have slashed the tires if necessary. It seems like we are the "crazy" ones, or out of control going to such lengths, but saving someone's life or other major damage from a car accident is worth preventing whatever it takes.

And all this was stealth moves. You have to stop explaining, reasoning, seeking cooperation/agreement or compromise. A PWD cannot keep their word, even if they agree. And my DH, once a professional driver, most definitely did not agree. He was insulted, offended, and had no intention of having anyone tell him what to do with his car and driving privileges. Don't ask don't tell was extremely useful at our house. Necessary, even. I am not exaggerating when I say that in Stage 4 he probably would have easily been convinced to get a divorce rather than give up driving. So to get him off the road I had to go with a serious undercover operation.

Even my (useless) steps don't know what happened to that car and it is none of their business. Though they did understand the risk eventually and weren't sure he should be driving, at least one of them wanted him to keep access to the car and keys so they could borrow it "from him" whenever they felt the need (with me buying the gas, paying the insurance and car note, and their occasional parking tickets. Nope). DH never knew it was me disabling and disappearing the vehicle, once I saw how determined he was to drive and how anosognosia totally prevented him from following Drs orders to stop, and his loving wife's wishes for the same. Don't ask, don't tell. Just do it. Very sad yes, but that's dementia caregiving.