Mom was moved to MC side but not MC wing she is refusing to stay in room

sbare

Due to my mom's needs, not eating and blood sugar dropping dangerously low (44 once a week), continually calling for various "needs", and most specifically wandering at night she was moved to the MC side of AL. She is not specifically in the MC wing. She is terribly, terribly angry with us and refusing to stay in her room. She wanders to her male friend's room and stays there. She continually goes back to her old apartment trying to get in and is continually berating family as well as staff at the AL. She has an appointment with her primary care physician coming up in a week and we are going to request increasing her anxiety/depression meds and/or Xanax to calm her. Placing her in the MC wing wasn't suggested until a few days ago but we fear that will be the end of her with her anxiety and depression, not to mention we just worked our tails off to get her situated in the wing next door to MC! We have asked them to give her time to adapt to her new surroundings before we consider the actual MC wing. They tell us to leave and let them handle it as they are well versed but at the same time seem stressed and at their wits end with her, in turn becoming upset with us. She has been at the AL for 6 going on 7 years and she is not an easy woman in the first place but they do know what she is like. Are we being unreasonable? Is it too much to ask to give her time to adjust before considering MC wing?

M1

Welcome to the forum. As much as you would wish it otherwise, she is probably safest in the MC wing and it is probably better to do one move rather than one now and another later. Most of us family members tend to overestimate our loved one's abilities and underestimate their deficits/needs.

Emily 123

sbare, do you feel as if she still has capacity to adjust, so that it would make a difference? That would require a working short term memory so that she can imprint information. If her short term memory is gone, then every time a recurring train of thought occurs to her it's as if she's experiencing it for the first time. It might be easier to have one upheaval now than to have two, spaced apart.

MN Chickadee

I'd get the move to MC over with now instead of drawing this out for months. Wherever she is the adjustment will take a while, so my thought is to get her to that right level of care where she can stay indefinitely to make the hellacious adjustment worth it. Her dementia will prevent her from adjusting quickly, and a locked setting designed for dementia is probably the safest place for her. Usually the staffing ratio is higher in MC, they have more training in dementia communication, and there are more supports and structure which helps a PWD settle in faster than regular AL so it may not be comparing apples to oranges. If you like the place I would go with what they suggest; not only have they "seen it all" over the years, you also don't want to risk her getting kicked out for going overboard in AL where they aren't set up to deal with extreme behaviors. A consult with the doctor to see if you can stabilize her moods a bit is a good idea. You may consider stepping back from visiting for a week or two after the move to let the dust settle. Sometimes the family can be a real trigger after a move.

sbare

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/205603#Comment_205603

She can still process information; she is not completely without memory at this time. It is interesting what does imprint and what does not. We were able to get her to stay in her new apartment from 4:00 pm on yesterday so it "appears" that she is beginning to adjust but time will tell. Hopefully she stayed put through the night as well. We will soon find out. She is also very aware of the stigma which goes with the wings that she is now resides. Thank you for your input and thoughtfulness.

housefinch

From what you’ve described, her behavior in AL was indicating she needed more support. And usually the reality is people who are displaying those behaviors in AL actually need the 24/7 eyes on supervision that a locked memory care unit provides. As painful as it is, I would trust the experience of the staff who deal with this daily and get her moved now.

harshedbuzz

@sbare

I can appreciate that having been there so long she's got a strong bias against "those" people and that it is a difficult choice for you as well. But it doesn't sound as if she's OK in this MC-lite arrangement and would probably be more appropriate for actual MC.

One difference I noticed between the 2 when my aunt initially went to AL was that people are left more to their own devices whereas in MC, residents are escorted to meals and encouraged to be out of their rooms and engaged in activities in the public spaces of the unit. That might be a better for her now.

HB

Quilting brings calm

I wonder if ‘moving to the MC side of AL’ isn’t actually what you thought it would be in terms of extra care? If she’s not in the actual MC wing, then the proximity to it means nothing in terms of extra care.

Yes, it’s possible that the move from one apartment to another was stressful and caused agitation. However you mention that one of the reasons she was moved was because she was already wandering. The only way to safely stop that in her situation is to be behind a door locked from the outside.

Yes, moving is a lot of work ( just moved my own mom from one apartment to another in her AL). Howver, having to move her completely out of the facility she’s in would be both even more work and an even bigger adjustment for her.