Moving mom to memory care

Gem1

Hi all. My 86 year old mom has level 6 Alzheimer's. We (my brother and I) can no longer care for her and we are moving her to a memory care facility. She is still lucid enough to say no, and I am asking for help of how to get her there without telling her where she is going. The facility suggested we say we are going away and she needs to stay there for a few days until we get back. Any other ideas would be greatly appreciated. I am sick to my stomach of what the day will be like. She also has a dog that she will not be able to take with her. My brother will keep it. How can we explain the dog too. Thanks in advance

Quilting brings calm

That’s a reasonable explanation - as is any kind of fiblet as to why her current living arrangement needs to change temporarily ( home repairs etc). As to the dog, just tell her exactly what you wrote here.

M1

Welcome to the forum. Regarding saying no: the hard fact is that you don't discuss it with her ahead of time so that you don't give her the opportunity to say no, any more than you would a toddler. Her brain can no longer reason or process rational arguments.

The day of, you just take her and have the staff meet you at the door. You can say you're going for lunch, or to a doctor's appointment. They will take it from there. You can try many things, such as home repairs, etc., but it may be best to just not say anything at all and let the staff handle it: it's new to you, but not to them and they have experience getting residents to settle in. You have options from just slipping out while the staff has her distracted, to telling her she'll be staying a while because of home repairs, etc. Then you take your cues from the staff about when and if to visit; some recommend staying away for a couple of weeks, they will give you advice about this.

I moved my partner from one facility to another about a year ago, and she got upset when she realized she was supposed to stay there; we just slipped out. They did physical therapy assessments, and it worked to tell her she needed to stay for physical therapy. that's still the rationale we're using a year later. She has no memory at all of the other facility, and no sense of time whatsoever.

Regarding the dog, I wouldn't bring it up. If she asks, you can say your brother is taking care of him; but she may not ask. Out of sight may be out of mind.

Let us know how it goes. It is not easy, ever, and I know how hard it is.