Thanks for all the help

BPS

I have been reading on this site for a while and only occasionally posting anything. I want to thank everyone for all the questions and all the answers they have been helpful. As an update as to our situation my wife is I think early stage 6 and about five weeks ago had a stoke. I took her to the hospital and they took good care of her. While there she had a second stroke. The first one was a blockage and the second one was a small bleeder making treatment more difficult but she is getting better. She was in the hospital for 2 weeks and then in rehab for another 2 weeks and is now in a memory care facility that is only about 10 miles from home. She can stand and walk with some assistance but she can't move her left hand (she is left handed). I go visit every morning and then work at filling my day. I feel guilty if I sit here doing nothing thinking I should be with her and I feel guilty if I go do anything without her. Our marriage was not ideal but I still miss her being here. She has only been in memory care for a week, but I am already struggling with the "widening of the emotional distance" that M1 mentioned in another post. A couple of my adult kids seem to think I moved her to memory care to soon but, even though they live close they were not involved when she was home. The only son that came to visit often has been supportive. I think this may cause issues between me and our two other kids but I think the time was right, at least that is what I think most of the time. Again thank you for all the post that everyone has made they are helpful to many of us. I will still be reading your posts.

SSHarkey

BPS, you made the right decision! Our kids have a difficult time accepting the truth about their parents decline. Fortunately for you, one of the siblings is in your corner. It’s easy to be a back seat driver. But they’re not there for the 24/7 experience. You know what that has been. By having her in MC, she getting more socialization and daily activity. Don’t feel guilty because she is being cared for in ways you couldn’t. If one of the kids complains, invite them to go spend the day with her there. You won’t hear another peep.

M1

I am glad to hear from you but sorry for your struggle, i get it completely. You did the right thing though, caring for a stroke victim at home would be very tough even without dementia. Maybe the kids will come around, but it was the right decision.

mrahope

I also think it was the right decision. You are also still advocating for your DW by visiting and staying in touch with her current caregivers. Maybe one of the kids might help you with this role. I think it would be good for them. Dementia caregiving is challenging enough without also the complications resulting from two strokes.