Disappointed

NUMber2

Why is there always a catch?

My LO is back in the sunshine and warmth (check). She found an AL community that she "likes" (check). My brother and I like it too and it's "affordable" (check). They have a cute 1 bedroom apartment that offers her a sense of autonomy (check).

Saddly, all of the 1 bedrooms are currently occupied. It could be 1 month or 3 months etc... until one becomes available. There is however a studio available- asap, but I think she'd hate it! 😞

Regardless, we could move her in this month and I could go home to my family, my life.

Or, I could continue to live with her another month or 2 etc... until a 1 bedroom opened up.

The thing is, I'm going insane here. I'm resentful towards everyone for having to deal with this face to face all on my own. I'm nasty towards my LO as well and of course I feel terrible about that!

I feel so selfish putting my needs and desires above hers!!

Why is there always a catch?

Quilting brings calm

Move her into the studio. Put her on the waiting list for a one bedroom. Let your brother deal with that second move. Plus you’ve still got a house to clean out and sell. So you will be back to help anyway

psg712

Agree 100% with Qbc. There's no guarantee of when a 1-bedroom suite will be available. With all of those other important boxes "checked", I say you should grab that studio. She might surprise you and adjust well and not want to change spaces!

NUMber2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/205919#Comment_205919

My head agrees with you. My heart is having trouble accepting that. But I know you're right.

NUMber2

Thanks for the support!!! I could NOT have managed this far without all of you!!! ❤️

Not that I'm managing very well but I couldn't imagine life without this community!!

Marta

One life is not more important than another. You matter!

NUMber2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/205933#Comment_205933

❤️

NUMber2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/205919#Comment_205919

I feel so guilty!

harshedbuzz

You are doing this for her, not to her.

HB

psg712

What HB said.

Guilt comes with the territory, but it often will improve once you see your LO adjust and realize that she is in the place she needs to be for her safety and your peace of mind. Hang in there.

M1

I hope this works out for you. It's still worrisome that your brother holds POA but appears to depend on you for the brass tacks, boots on the ground. I also still worry that your instinct that she may need MC may be the correct one.

CaliforniaGirl-1

Move her into the studio, The big transition is going to be the place and not the apartment. We spent a lot of time worrying about how our LO was going to go from a house to a studio in AL. It turned out as our LO's disease progressed a smaller footprint was much better and made her feel more secure.

CaliforniaGirl-1

My LO's doctor says that it is important to remember that there are 2 people in the caregiver/PWD relationship and it cannot be all about only one of them or they will be end up needing care.

NUMber2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/206019#Comment_206019

I appreciate that!

Quilting brings calm

Something to keep in mind is that AL residents spend a lot of time in common areas rather than their apartment. They also don’t really visit in each other’s apartments. I visit my mom in her apartment, but I’ve never seen another resident in the apartment in over 4.5 years.

Anonymousjpl123

@Quilting brings calm is absolutely right. It won’t matter between a studio and one bedroom. My mother who had a huge 3 bedroom did just fine in one. The room itself is not where socializing happens. No one in my mom’s place visits each others rooms - either in Assisted Living or Memory Care. See how she does in the studio.

CaliforniaGirl-1

My LO occasionally has friends in her room but since she had a fall, I am encouraging the MC to encourage her to spend more time in the common areas around other people. And this seems to lift her spirits anyway. She is participating more in activities and if someone has a dog or a baby or little child visit my LO gets to see and it really makes her happy.

I was worried about the transition from a whole house to a studio but we briefly has a larger space and the smaller space is easier to manage and cope with for my LO.