More clingy than ever….

LaneyG

I need to vent…DH is doing really pretty well on his new med regimen. He is sweet, pleasant and calm most of the day. But he is very very needy. Asks for assistance with things feels like every 5 minutes. His favorite question is what are we going to do next. He needs to be entertained. I can’t go into another room without his looking for me. He will then sit and watch me. He won’t let me out of his sight. He comes with me wherever I go. I can no longer go out with friends or my sisters without him. I can’t have a private phone conversation because he is there always. He used to sleep in a bit giving me a couple of hours to myself in the am. No more. He must sleep with one eye open because he is now up no more than 5 minutes after I get up. He was always a bit of a loner. The few friends he does have live a distance away. We have no children. He won’t accept a caregiver. In other words I am it. I do get some brief periods of respite when his sister comes to visit from out of state. I try to keep us busy by going to different musical events and presentations at the library, senior center, or a performance center. It helps us feel connected and I have some time to just think my own thoughts. He is so forgetful and so confused but with it enough where he would take great offense if I were to bring him to an adult day care. He doesn’t think anything is wrong with him. I know this isn’t sustainable. I know I need to find ways to take care of myself. It all seems so hopeless right now.

KathyF1

Laney, I could have written your post. I know exactly how you feel. Smothered. It makes you crazy. I started this week with caregivers. They come in to help with “ house work”. Just having someone else present helps me. And they are getting paid to distract him so I felt like it was ok to make phone calls, do bills, etc. it doesn’t solve the problem but it helps. Try it!

Dio

I think many of us has gone through this clingy period. The PWD is scared, confused and needs to hold onto the person closest to them. When we went through this period, I felt so suffocated and imprisoned. I couldn't leave to buy groceries, pick up food (since he wouldn't let me cook—yeah, another conundrum), talk on the phone, watch tv, read a book, listen to music or use my computer. I once had to ask a neighbor to pick up some half-n-half for me cuz we ran out. During that period, I wanted so much for this nightmare to end, to break free of the bondage. It was so unbearable that I wanted to dig a hole and just crawl in. I hope this phase will pass soon for you. But I don't know what phase will appear next. You may look back and think, "those were actually the good days!" It happened to me. If he has any friends/church goers nearby, perhaps they can have lunch or coffee with him while you get a break. Attending an adult daycare center may be helpful and/or a memory care facility that offers respite stay.

clarinetist

Hi Laney,

My DH is also very clingy-even now that he’s in memory care. You might consider giving adult day care a test run. When my husband was 66, he started at a day center, and like you, I worried that he would think the activities were too simple. To my surprise he joined right in. The center had different activities for different levels of functioning, and the staff could find activities that were challenging but not overwhelming.

He still missed me, but the staff was able to keep him occupied enough to give me a break.

You have my sympathy; shadowing is a crazy-making stage.

Noemit1966

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/68915/more-clingy-than-ever

Dear LaneyG, I totally understand what you are feeling. My DH has Alzheimer's and I never ever get a break. I have no one to help me. He doesn't believe he is sick either and he is already in the moderate stage. It kills me to see him struggle with simple tasks. He doesn't know how to read or write anymore. I started to buy adult coloring books and I sit at my kitchen table and color a page just to feel grounded. We both use to go to Paint Nites together and he was so good at it. Now it seems like he doesn't understand it. It's so sad. I started reading books and joined a book club with the ladies from church to feel like I can do something on my own. When I look up, he is standing by the door, but I try to ignore him until he goes back to his bedroom. It isn't easy and I know you are going through a hard time. If you like music, you can listen to music and color. Take care.

Gig Harbor

Try bringing in several caregivers to help “you”. Since you can’t talk by phone set up your plans with them by email. If your husband complains say that you need help because of back pain or whatever. Within a few visits hopefully they will gain his trust and then they can start saying “I am going to the store to pick up groceries for your wife. Would you like to come along.” My husband loved the attention from the ladies I hired to take care of him. One came on Monday and the other came Wed and Friday from 10-2. I always used the time to get away from the house but you might value the home alone time. They will become his new best friends. As Crushed used to say (he was a man who was on this site a lot) the person with the disease can’t call the shots. Good luck.