Any ideas for me to stop worrying...

annie51

I am, and have always been, a worry wart. But I've always been a great sleeper. Since my DH has had dementia, I've been waking up early and then having trouble getting back to sleep as my mind thinks about all the possible stresses coming up. The latest one is the hiring of a painting contractor for the house. I've got the quotes and am ready to move on it. But my DH is so unpredictable in his reactions now that I'm so nervous about how he'll handle it. I had some unnerving issues when we recently had a new driveway put in - DH got very angry as he wondered why they didn't get it done in one day, couldn't understand their multi day schedule, why they were late to start (they weren't, he just can't tell time anymore), etc. He kept saying we need to get someone else. I had a hard time dealing with this and now wondering if I'm going to go through it again since a paint job will span a few days. I guess I need to just take the plunge, get it over with, and hope for the best. It feels good to just get this off my chest but, geez I need to stop this worrying. I've got a lot left in this journey!

M1

Early morning wakening like that is a sign of depression also Annie; of course there's an overlap for everyone between stress and depression.

Have you thought about maybe a respite stay for him while you get the work done? Or is there a family member who could take him somewhere for a few days? It's just a thought. Any disruption in routine is bound to cause upset.

I thought his wanting to show the driveway off was kinda cute, but I'm sure it got old really fast.

GothicGremlin

@annie51 - I'm like you — a worrier by nature, but have never had issues sleeping. I never woke up early, but I would wake up in the middle of the night. I've never thought anything of it because I always wake up once in the night (I have since I was a teen). I'd only wake up for a minute, just long enough to see that it was still dark, and then I'd go right back to sleep, undisturbed. But with my sister's dementia, I started noticing that when I'd wake up in the night, I'd have trouble going back to sleep - because I was making lists in my head of all the things I needed to do the next day for here, and worrying that something might go wrong.

The only thing that I found that helped was to get more physically active. Basically to just wear myself out so that I'd go to sleep. When Peggy was at home I brought in outside caregivers so that I could leave her alone for awhile while I went to the gym. Is that an option for you?

Music also helps with people who have dementia. I'd play a lof Peggy's old favorites and in the earlier stages I could often coax her into dancing. And even if she wouldn't, I would. Do you think dancing might help relieve some stress?

I guess there was one more thing that helped, I got a therapist. She's a former social worker who helped caregivers and dementia patients. Now she's a therapist. She's been worth her weight in gold. I don't even see her that often, once a month has been good enough.

As for the immediate issue with the house painting, I like the suggestion from @M1

midge333

I was not a worrier but I became one after I retired to become a caregiver for my DW with dementia. I sought counseling which helps. I also run and walk to alleviate stress. Recently my internist put me on a low dose of antidepressant but it is too soon to know if it will help. Don't be afraid to seek help for yourself.

mrahope

Hi, there, @annie51 , another charter member of the "worriers anonymous" club here. My DH is also intermittently angry and so I, too, have to plan projects or trips with his moods in mind. As for sleep, I have found that regular exercise helps, as did/does a low dose of antidepressant which my PCP prescribed when I told her I was a caregiver for DH and was having trouble sleeping. I would also endorse finding a counselor or therapist. It has helped me greatly.

Two other things have been helpful. First, before this illness, I never slept in another room. Now I do. That way every little twitch and turn my DH makes doesn't wake me. Also, lately (at my counselor's recommendation) I have been trying meditation practices. The jury's still out on that one, but early results have been promising, at least for me.

annie51

Thank you all for your insightful responses. Unfortunately for me, there are no family members or close enough friends nearby that could take him somewhere. I haven't sought out time away from him yet (for support groups or therapy) as he's with me ALL the time - even watching movies now he wants me to be there. I find ways to get my "work" done, like the finances, reading this forum, etc. by putting my laptop near the TV so I can pretend to watch with him! I know I will have to approach that in the near future but not sure how he'd react to it.

l7pla1w2

l7pla1w2

@annie51

I know exactly where you are. I cannot leave my DW alone anymore, because she panics and thinks I'm never coming back. (I'll add that her current delusion is that she lived alone for a long time before I showed up. But, same house 42 years.) I feel like a prisoner, unable to do anything for myself. Even if we had nearby family or anyone else who could "spell" me for awhile, DW will ask why that person is here. She has become clingy. She chatters endlessly and repetitively about this and that. I have become good at doing stuff on my laptop while half listening and reciting practiced answers. It's exhausting.

I had DW going to a day program that gave me a few hours of peace, but had to drop it, because DW kept wanting to leave early. Considering travel time and the length of time I would have to myself, it was no longer worth it. I will look into getting a driver, but, again, I don't know whether she'll agree to having someone else take her to the program and then get her.