Hiw many spouses sleep in another room?

RetiredTeacher

My DH gets extremely anxious and agitated, sundowning is in full effect at our house. My husband is up and down all night long. Good nights 15x, many nights 25+. I can't take care of him if I'm not getting any sleep. Dr tried respiridine and trazadine but they decreased his BP to critical levels, 70/50. Off those meds, BP is in the liw normal range but neither of us gets much sleep. I've told him I'm going to sleep in the spare bedroom and he threw a fit. I need to save myself because if I get sick there is noone to take care of him and it's going to be devastating financially when he needs to go to a facility. I realize that financial hit is coming but he really doesn't need to go now. I just need to get some sleep. Can't fo this anymore. How do you folks handle this? I'm sure I'm not the only one.

rtlucas3

A friend of mine used take his mom on long walks, when she wanted to stop he would just tell her a little further. He said she would be exhausted but it helped her sleep better at night. (Just a thought)

LJCHR

I had a hospital stay last July and was put on blood thinners. My DH sometimes lives his dreams and has hit me before in the nightmare. I told him since I was on blood thinners I couldn’t chance a hit to the head that could cause a brain bleed. He agreed.

I also like to watch TV late and didn’t usually go to bed until after midnight. This works real well.

Another thing is I got a baby monitor (inexpensive one $21.00). My DH loves the security of knowing he can call me thru the monitor if he needs anything in the night.

Jeanne C.

I still sleep in the same room. His sleep used to be very fragmented. His doc worked with me to get the right mix of meds. Now he's up and down when he first goes to bed but it settles usually after a half hour or so. What I think really helps him settle down is melatonin - 5 mg gummies before bed.

This may sound unconventional, but the reason I can finally get sleep at night is I put a child lock on the door. It's up high so he doesn't notice it. It's only locked when I'm in the room with him. He can still get to the ensuite bathroom (not that he uses it except once in a blue moon). It's a strap lock, so in an emergency someone outside of the room could cut it open with scissors. BUT he can't wander , access anything unsafe, or leave the house. It lets me truly relax enough to sleep deeply. Since putting it there, I'm getting a solid 6 hours most nights. Makes a huge difference in my ability to care for him. He sleeps well most nights now and I know he's safe when he does wake up.

Pdxnewbie

My wife started to wander at night several months ago — it seemed like a decline I could not handle so we placed her in a memory care facility. That lasted 12 days and we brought her home. We started with 7 nights a week of care so I could sleep. My Wife has stabilized now I am down to 4 nights of care per week. I cannot explain the improvement but for now we can sleep together and we both can get decent rest. I realize things could devolve but I am grateful for stability at this point.

SSHarkey

I sleep in the same room but in a separate bed. He developed REM sleep disorder and was flailing and throwing himself out of the bed when dreaming. He broke bones in his hand throwing a fist into the nightstand. That was when I couldn’t risk getting hurt. He uses a bed rail to protect himself from falling out any longer. And we switched to twin beds. The doctor started him on clonazepam and now he’s able to sleep soundly restfully. And I’m safe.

ImMaggieMae

In the middle stage my DH was up and down constantly, all night and into the next day. Medications were figured out and during a week long hospital stay and have worked very well for the last 3 years to keep him sleeping soundly for at least 9 hours, sometimes as many as 12. I have always slept in the same bed, or now that he is in a rented hospital bed because he can no longer manage the stairs, I sleep on the sofa next to him.

storycrafter

My husband took over what used to be one of our sons' bedroom. I stayed in ours. After getting stable on Seroquel, 150mg in the morning, 150 at night, he sleeps soundly. I sleep without his restless legs shaking the bed and waking me, without his snoring in my ear. Best of luck to you.

millyfern

I sleep in our spare bedroom. My husband would prefer that I sleep with him but because of his REM sleep disorder and hallucinations he understands why I can’t. Medications have helped but not eliminated the problems. I’m a light sleep if he needs me in the night I will hear him.

jsps139_

I sleep in our little spare bedroom with the door closed. I sleep very light and hear everything. He used to get up during the night and I would go calm him down, but since his pcp put him on Seroquel, he falls asleep between 6pm or 7pm in his recliner and then I wake him at 10pm to go to bed. He fusses around for an hour getting ready for bed, but then he sleeps all night until 8am or later. We do take a morning walk and a walk after dinner around 5:30pm. The fresh air is so good for both of us and it really tires him out.

Cklaw

Hello, new to forum found this topic relevant. DW diagnosed with EO and cerebral amyloid Angiopathy over 4 years ago, have been FT caregiver for over 3 years. A few episodes of sundowning but overall she sleeps pretty well. Only now she won’t go to bed without me and senses if I leave bedroom early morning, as I’m the insomniac. Used to be time that I had to myself. No major concerns with wandering, though she does want to leave when upset & frustrated. Think it’s time for some door alarms pre-emptively.

Denise1847

Please consider asking the doctor for meds to help with your partner's sleep so that you can get some. I have been sleeping in our guest room since I had a bad fall and caused sleep problems for me. Even if that happened, I would be sleeping in another rom because he tosses and turns all night long.

Kevcoy

My DH would be up and down all night keeping me up all night as well. Doctor prescribed Seroquel which works well most nights. I don't know how he does it but sometimes it looks like he took the pill but I find it the next morning stashed away someplace. Some nights he just plain fights it and refuses to fall asleep. It's on those nights I tell him to go into the guest room. On those nights I find I sleep better than when he took the pill and was sleeping. Just crazy.

chalfont

Briefly: I'm a light sleeper & my husband snores and moves a lot while sleeping. I've slept in a separate bedroom for years, even before alzheimers. He hates that we have separate rooms, but it helps that I start each night in bed with him and dont leave until I first wake. He knows I'll join him again in the morning for another hour. He occasionally wakes early and comes to my room. It helps that I need less sleep than he does.

ronda b

I sleep in different room and use a baby monitor. My Dh feels very comfortable and less frighten with knowing I'm able to hear everything.

CindyBum

Not trying to be a smart aleck, but I already know there will come a day when I have to make this decision. My DW will hate it, but I'm already thinking I'll need to use some fibs. It's ok to do that sometimes to take care of yourself. You absolutely need to sleep. I kind of like the blood thinner real situation for LJCHR as a potential fib for you (Though sorry you had to go on thinners and be in the hospital, LJCHR!). Maybe you're taking them now too and the Dr. suggested you move bedrooms?

mrahope

I, too, was part of a couple who slept separately for a good long time. In our case, it preceded dementia and was a result of my DH's severe Restless Leg Syndrome, not to mention he also snored and sometimes kicked me in his sleep. As another poster said, I kind of phased it in by staying with him an hour or two, then moving to another room. That might be a way to help some of you.

JDancer

I moved to the spare bedroom a few weeks ago and have slept well every night since. It might not be the safest thing for my spouse, but , frankly, I don't care. It's one of the few things I do for me. I deserve and need to sleep well.

FTDCaregiver1

sleep in different rooms now. On sleep, got a prescription for 10 mg. Ambien, DW has paradoxical reactions to benzos, so Ativan didn't work. Use Ambien as my last resort to get her to sleep, added melatonin to her PM meds to get her sleepy, pushed back her pm med time to 830 with goal to get her to sleep around 9-930. Again, use the Ambien if she still won't sleep. May want to talk to your physician on mediation options.

l7pla1w2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/68960/hiw-many-spouses-sleep-in-another-room

Heh. I have the opposite problem. I continue to sleep nightly with DW. In the morning she will ask where I've been, when did I get in? That's particularly true if she gets up early and goes into another room. If we're not in the same room, I'm not here. Since I'm not here, she will claim she hasn't seen me in days/weeks/months. Her short-term memory is zilch.

aaronlovesdiane

It's back and forth here. I fall asleep with her most nights, then at some point I get up and know I'm not getting back to sleep there (her snoring, usually).

So it's upstairs to the Murphy bed in the loft. I can hear her. I put in a bedrail so I won't awake to the sound of a thud. But if she's awake and needs help, I'll hear her. (Bedrails were not an option early on because she was too active, so this may not yet be an option for you.)

I don't see the reason to tell Diane any of this. Of course if your DH asks you if you're going to the spare bedroom, you tell him no like any good caregiver would… 😂

Elizabeth607

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/68960/hiw-many-spouses-sleep-in-another-room

I do. His snoring wakes me up all night long. Since I still work, it is necessary for me to get a regular night of sleep. Makes me less grouchy the following day too.