Any suggestions?

Judy.T.

Okay, need some help here and I know this is the only group that may have some ideas and not judge. My DH has been sundowning fierce! I have locks and alarms on the doors so he can't get outside. I usually get up and guide him to the bathroom then tell him the time and guide him back to bed. He becomes resistant so I let him wonder and move things till he tires, and I sleep. Lately he gets up and goes into the bathroom and pees into the heating vent in the floor! Then he gets mad at me when his beloved socks are wet and I make him take them off because I have to wash them. It is now 1:30am and I am wide awake because I had to wash the bathroom floor and do a batch of laundry. If I don't wash them now he will dig them out of the dirty laundry and put them on.

So I need some suggestions on what to do. How to alleviate the new fragrance that occurs when the heat turns on? Do I somehow block on the heating vent? then there won't be heat in the bathroom. He won't wear adult diaper. As for the socks, he has tons of pairs BUT will only wear 3 pair of wool socks. I can't remember where I got them and he will only wear those. I have tried many different brands and types of socks but nope. Any suggestions?

On a positive note (I always try to stay positive): I hand out all the socks to the homeless men in town. When I try new socks and DH refuses to wear them and throws them away, I wash them and give them away.

gbriggs

So sorry Judy. I do not have advice for you but I wanted to let you know how sympathetic I am to your situation. On this journey with my mom as well. Just managing her spirit and safety for now, knowing rougher days ahead. Your love and devotion to your husband is so very evident. I know others will have useful advice. Best of luck to you <3

M1

Hi judy. What a mess. Many pwd have fragmented sleep. Have you talked to his doctors about this? There are medications that might help.

mrahope

I'm so sorry for all you are facing. One thought might be that if you ever solve the problem of him peeing in the heating vent, you might want to try having the air ducts cleaned professionally. I am thinking that when I had it done it worked wonders for the allergens/pet dander and might do the same for you because the moisture might be "caught" in the heating duct's dust accumulation. If you have to shut that vent off, maybe you could try a space heater there in the colder months?

Also, I completely applaud your gesture of giving socks to homeless persons. Talk about paying it forward…so wonderful you can think to do that.

mrsabaldwin

My uncle did that and my aunt put a bucket over the vent. Just an idea.

Pat6177

I just looked quick on Amazon and found that they sell deflectors to put over a heating vent. You can check out Amazon or if you have a good helpful hardware store nearby, go there and ask what you could put over the heating vent. I think they sell things like that to keep kids from putting toys in the vents. Hopefully your DH won’t get fixated on the vent and remove the cover or deflector you put on there!! Once you block the vent then get the vents cleaned as suggested by mrahope. You could tell the cleaning company the truth or tell them a dog you took care of one weekend peed in the vent. They might have something they treat the vent with to deal with the odor.

DTSbuddy

Hi Judy T, It sounds like we are dealing with similar issues. My DH wakes up every couple hours at night. I have trained myself to get up FAST and gently direct him toward the toilet, and then wait until he uses it. Most of the time he can be guided back into bed, and we can both go back to sleep. Sometimes he wakes up agitated, and starts to wander, make the bed, rearrange things, go out on a porch etc. Telling him the time sometimes helps persuade him to get back in bed. We sleep in a queen, so lying down, patting his side of the bed, and asking him to come back sometimes does the trick. If he is really agitated, I ask if he had a bad dream and let him talk about a bit and sympathise, but then do something different to put new thoughts in his mind, like watch musical performances he likes or talk about the night sky. Sometimes it makes me crazy, to be awakened, especially when I am already really tired. Trick for me is not to get behind on my sleep so I'm ready to be creative and kind if there's a bad night. .

I also have a problem with my DH digging through the dirty laundry for his favorite socks. He likes to wear two, sometimes three pairs at once, so I got some more pairs and hide some so I always have an extra clean pair..

For a while my DH had foot pain that got worse at night. I got a tall rubbermaid waste bin and would bring it to him so he could urinate in it without walking to the bathroom. It was a pain to empty and wash it each time, but obviously better than cleaning the rugs.

Good luck with the vents. That's a tough one. My DH leaves banana peels and apple cores around the house, and they mold and get stinky if I don't find them. I've just been monitoring him more. Maybe I'll get a clear glass compost container. I think he'd like to put the garbage in the right place, he just can't remember where it goes.

One more thought. No coffee, chocolate or other sweets after 3 pm helps my DH sleep better.

Good luck, Judy

Judy.T.

DTSBuddy I too try to guide him back to bed after using the bathroom. But, he was a milkman for 40 years. His whole life was through the night. When he gets up he thinks he has to deliver the milk on time! He says "I have to get to the schools before the busses roll, I have to be done before the kids get to school." I was also a teacher so I say "the district called and canceled school today." I have also used it is vacation, or the weekend. I do try patting the bed and asking him to come cuddle me because I am cold. (that is another lie, I am NEVER cold!)

I did get the vents cleaned and put some laundry sent boosters to help.

Thank you for your input. It is good to know DH isn't the only one doing these bizarre things.

SDianeL

I bought a battery operated LED light and put it on top of the toilet tank. It helped him find the toilet. Also is there a way to put something beside the vent so he can't get to it?