Keeping an eye on mom

mpang123

My mom takes care of my dad with dementia. So far, she's doing a good job. But she has MCI after seeing her neurologist and is being observed for possible Alzheimer's dementia. Her memory and confusion is getting worse. She has appointed me and my nephew as DPOA and is effective when she becomes incompetent. Right now, even with her deficits, I don't think her doctor will sign her off as incompetent yet. She just saw her PCP last month and he didn't think she has MCI. I guess it's because he did a test on her and she did fine. Contrary to what her neurologist says. Well, I'm closely monitoring her progression. She called me today and said her health insurance was cancelled without letting her know. I told her it's not true and I had to reassure her that she was clearly mistaken. I have to accompany her to the bank because she doesn't remember which bank she went to and what she was there for and what kind of transaction was taken? She misplaces things, difficulty following conversations, and general confusion. These things and others are concerning but it seems like I just have to wait and see what happens? I worry that if she can't take care of dad anymore, who will take care of him? My dad has no POA made and it's too late to make one up. So if mom becomes incompetent, will my nephew and I have to be legally responsible for dad too? If and when my parents need placement, how am I going to arrange it? They don't qualify for Medicaid but they can't afford a facility either. The future is uncertain.

sincinlv

I don’t know what state your in maybe try aging and disability site and see if they can help you and also ask her primary if you can speak to a social worker that can give you services that you can call also try to apply for grants Alzheimer’s association has some that you can apply for and if you get a grant . Best of luck and hang in there stay strong

M1

You or your nephew does need to be responsible for your dad. You may need file for guardianship. I understand your concerns, if you are more comfortable letting your nephew handle it then you should discuss it with him. It is not too soon to start the discussions as they are obviously already struggling in their current situation.

have you talked with a certified elder law attorney? There are ways to qualify them for Medicaid. This also needs to be pursued sooner rather than later.

mpang123

Texas has an agency called DADS (department of aging and disability services). They offer assistance for the elderly with or without medicaid. I will seek them out for my parents. I used their services before for when I needed a home provider to help with housekeeping, cooking, grocery shopping, do laundry, and just do things for me. Back then, I was suffering from Parkinson's symptoms where I had balance issues causing me to fall a lot, and MCI and other parkinsonian symptoms. Fortunately, my symptoms went away eventually after adjusting my psych meds that was the cause of the problems. I am going to ask my dad's palliative care social worker/physician about my concerns of having to take care of dad if my mom can't take care of him. Ideally, I thought my mom would outlive my dad so she can take care of dad without worrying about getting guardianship or finding placement for him. I'm relying on my mom for that. I know it would help to see a CELA for Medicaid or other issues but I can't afford one. There's so many things to consider...

H1235

You might also keep a record of these problem she is having. My moms pcp did the simple test in office and she did fine. I had to insist on a referral to a neurologist. After the more in-depth test with the neurologist she was told she has dementia and shouldn’t drive or live alone. Point is listen to the neurologist. I would keep a very close eye on bills. That is often one of the first problems. Would she willingly allow you online access to her bank account, so you can see what she is doing. I helped my mom with her bills for years before I was made DPOA. She could do a lot of financial damage before she actually becomes incompetent. I agree with talking to a lawyer. Medicaid may be necessary eventually. If they don’t qualify for Medicaid now they may need to pay out of pocket til they do qualify. It is very complicated! But there are requirements, if she is donating or giving money away(even to grandkids) this could cause problems. In my state there is a 5 year look back. Now is the time to educate yourself on dementia progression, assisted living costs, in home care costs, Medicaid requirements and benefits and guardianship. The future is uncertain but having a plan A B and maybe C in mind might help. Good luck.

mpang123

Thanks. I get it. I got to plan ahead. Whether they both have dementia, my parents need my help. They're getting older and family needs to step up. It's all up to my nephew and I.

H1235

It might also be a good time to ask questions about family history. Are there objects around the house that have a family story or is there something that belonged to great great grandpa. Get these stories now. If she is willing (my mom is not), you might see if she wants specific possessions to go to a special family member down the road. A will is also something to make sure is in place. It might also be good to get a copy of all legal documents to keep with you just in case.

mpang123

Chug, my nephew is the sole beneficiary for all assets, property and belongings when my parents die. It is in the will. I have legal documents of DPOA and is in effect after my mom is proven incompetent. Right now my mom has legal responsibilities for my dad but he has no POA issued for me to take care of him if my mom can't take care of him anymore or if she passes before my dad. That is a dilemma I'm working on.