So on edge. Old behaviors resurfacing

LaneyG

DH was hospitalized in January. He was extremely agitated about my not letting him drive and he wanted his house back. We had sold it 2 years before but he doesn’t recall this. He was becoming increasingly more threatening and accused me of selling the house from under him. He would at times also threaten to hurt me or himself. The hospital experience itself was horrible, not something I want us to have to go through again. But the med regimen they put him on was quite effective. The talk about driving and wanting his house back pretty much went away. He did get a notice from the RMV that his license was suspended for medical reasons. This resulted in his obsessing about wanting his right to drive. He insisted on a hearing and an attorney who just said he’d need to get an ok from his doctor for the RMV to give him his license back. A hearing was scheduled for him a good distance out and later cancelled. Miraculously he seemed to forget about both the house and his car and driving for about 2 months. He had been calm, sweet, with only short fleeting periods of crankiness. Still quite delusional. All if a sudden during the past several days he starting in again about wanting to get his house back. The people there can’t have it. He wants them to move out. He all of a sudden recalled that he can’t drive, he wants to drive, he wants a test, a hearing and I have to help him make all this happen. So far I’ve been able to deflect him somewhat. But I can tell it’s not far off his mind. I’m so fearful this is going to escalate again. Why is this happening again now. Where it is sort of manageable now I don't know if I should go with the flow day by day. Or is this a sign that he may need an increase in his meds. Not sure if I should schedule or tell him I scheduled another hearing and hope he forgets again.

Phoenix1966

Any chance he might have a UTI?

sandwichone123

Notify his provider so his medications can be adjusted.

Dio

Agree with the above comments. Meanwhile, learn to use fiblets to stall, deflect, redirect. Do not be afraid to call 911 if he displays any violence and/or you fear for your safety.

SSHarkey

Don’t believe you must do what he tells you to do. He has no capacity for decision making. Keep deflecting and fibbing. It’s filed with the court, still waiting for a hearing, whatever satisfies in the moment. Say whatever is necessary to de-escalate and shift to a different direction. You are now the guardian and must make all the decisions without his permission or consent.

ImMaggieMae

You had success with his med regimen after his hospital stay. Maybe they just need to be increased. I would contact the doctor that prescribed them right away. And fiblets about the house and driving are probably going to be your best bet until you can get him calmed down a little.

M1

Second all of the above. This is monday morning, call the doc today.

Whyzit2

It is interesting that your DH expects you to make the appointments etc to get his license back and the house too. It’s always fix it for me just as a child expects. We caregivers get so tied up in knots over issues like these.

I wonder what would happen if you said it is his license so according to law unfortunately he has to make the arrangements himself. Let it be his problem to fix. It is not your problem to fix. No fiblet needed. Of course he probably is incapable of fixing it. Be sympathetic and acknowledge your helplessness in being able to do anything. “Oh darling, I’m so sorry for your problem…..yes it sucks.” How about some ice cream.

Same with house: “Oh darling I miss that house too, it was great for awhile, good memories there”.” I’m going to fix us some ice cream now.