Dementia and eating

Luna530

Hi all, I’m new here and don’t know where else to turn. My father still lives on his own and took a large decline after my mom passed 5 years ago. He seems safe in his home, has very staunchly ingrained habits and has his little dog. About a month ago we hired companion care in hopes it would bring some regularity to his day, and entice some socialization and importantly, eating. He’s lost an ungodly amount of weight to the point he is like a skeleton. He “lies” when I ask if he ate dinner, then I come over and what he said he ate is still uneaten. His companion is there 4-6 hours and in that time there are days he doesn’t eat at all (he refuses it, they cook for him, make what he likes and he’ll still refuse).

I’m not sure what to do about his eating, if he ate he’d probably be just a-ok living with this television, sports, his dog and staying in his own home. Even if he lived in a “care home” they can’t force him to eat so I’m just not sure what we can do.

Has anyone had this issue of just not eating. He’s down to near 100 lbs after being 160 just a few years ago (his typical adult weight). He’s frail and a matter of time I fear he will fall and break.

Do we get more forceful with “it’s lunch time you have to eat” type discussion? Do we have me call at every meal time to remind him he promised me he’d concentrate harder on eating better?

Any insight?

PS to add, he does come stay with me on weekends, where he WILL eat what I hand him. I’m contemplating quitting my job and having him live with me full time as I’m not sure how else we solve this. :(

M1

Welcome to the forum. This weight loss is very ominous and bodes poorly for the future. Im sure on some level you know that. He may well die soon one way or the other, it is extremely hard to recover from this kind of extreme cachexia (medical term for life threatening weight loss).

Have you talked to his doctors? He may need some evaluation for other issues like cancer or a thyroid issue, if you think it's worth pursuing. There are some medications that can stimulate appetite. But the other thing you could think about is a hospice evaluation, he may well qualify.

II would take this as an indirect but loud and clear message that he is not in fact okay living on his own. It is encouraging that he eats better when with you, but whether he can recover from this by a change in circumstances is iffy. So sorry, you're in a difficult spot. I have often wondered if my partner will just quit eating, when she's had enough of life,, but it hasn't happened yet.

Lynn24

My mother was experiencing the same symptoms over a year and a half ago, so we decided to move her into our home in another state.

We hired a caregiver to come in a few hours a day while we work. I work part time so it works out. She now eats well and sleeps well due to medication. She is now taking Seroquel high dosage twice a day.

Hope this helps.

Jackie_K

This also happened to my mom - it was before she was diagnosed but we knew that something was going on, so I was starting to communicate more regularly with her doctor. She had a pretty rapid weight loss (over 30 lbs., on a 5-foot-tall petite frame, which is significant) within a few short months. She looked absolutely frail and skeletal and was under 100 lbs.

She was not really eating, and when I tried to take her out for a meal or cook for her at home, she would only eat a few bites before she was finished. She was extremely defensive and combative about it any time I tried to talk to her about it.

It turned out she wasn't eating because she had major stomach upset every time she ate, and she didn't want to tell us that. She had cancer previously, so her doctor rechecked for recurrence, and when the scan came back clear, she did bloodwork. It turned out my mom did have a thyroid issue (graves disease) which we have been able to manage with medication. She has put back on some weight and has her appetite back since then - nowhere near what it used to be, but at least she is eating.

The doctor also wanted to do a colonoscopy, but my mom declined and we didn't force her. I say this because they may suggest it to you as well if you want to pursue testing to see if something physical is the underlying cause here.

I agree with M1 though that this is concerning and definitely a sign that he should not be living alone. Good luck and let us know how it goes.