How to deal with perceived anger

Belle60

Just curious how everyone deals with your LO thinking you are angry at them but of course you are not. DH got up this morning saying I was really angry at him last night. I wasnt but that did not matter. What do you do? Do you just say okay I was angry but I am not now so lets move on? I dont like being the bad guy and admitting something that I did not do. If I deny I was angry he just argues with me. And then just sits on the couch and pouts. This morning I was going to work and could not be late so I just walked away and then acted like it never happened. I hate this disease and am already tired and DH is only in stage 4.

jfkoc

" I am sorry you felt that I was angry".

Belle60

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/207049#Comment_207049

Thanks I have tried that doesnt always seem to work like it should. I think the ball game is different with PWD but I think not playing into it and not responding seems to be the best thing. I got home from work today and it was like nothing happened. It just seems to happen so much.

trottingalong

I usually apologize also and either try and change the subject (which usually doesn’t work) or go outside or leave. Just being out of site for a little time seems to help. I try hard not to show my frustration, but some days it’s very difficult.

wizmo

Get used to apologizing for things you never did or said. Any denial or arguing is not worth escalating in the wrong direction. I sometimes would deflect to some 3rd party or event like: sorry I was angry, but it's not at you, it's X - fill in X with the dog, your family, the news, etc. It is often enough that you acknowledge his expressed feeling then he can let go of it - but if you dig in, he probably will too.

CindyBum

Oh, I certainly don't like it either, but I like trying to have a conversation with a very confused person even less. It's exhausting.

I have a friend who's husband is earlier in his stages of dementia. She and I often share sarcastic text messages with each other about our struggles. Here's what I sent her after I finally got my DW to agree to something, "All I’ve had to do was take the blame for every single thing that my DW has said, misunderstood or done totally wrong for the last 2 weeks. Oh, I’ve also agreed to that forever as part of the deal."

And that's honestly where I'm at. I just take the blame and move on, most of the time. I'm no saint.

charley0419

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69009/how-to-deal-with-perceived-anger

it’s taking me time but I’ve learned NEVER argue or tell them there wrong. Just either say sorry bite lip walk away. My wife was so mad at me yesterday morning , don’t really know why, by the time we got where we were going she never mentioned. Oh and tone of voice.

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/207081#Comment_207081

I’m right with you. But it’s not easy

Belle60

Thanks everyone for "normalizing" this for me. It is very hard no doubt! But this forum helps!!!