The bizarre way the dementia mind works!

Palmetto Peg

This would have almost been funny if it hadn't been my DH talking to me! My DH has accused me of infidelity with a particular individual on more than one occasion. I have learned not to over-react after I got really angry the first time and then realized it made no difference. Last night he accused me again, but this time he asked me if my "lover" had died. I asked DH how this man might have died, and he told me that he was on the Baltimore Bridge when it collapsed because he was coming to get me! How did DH put all of these ideas together in such a convoluted story? How does their brain take such disparate information and weave it into a story that they believe? Is this delusional thinking? Just curious - each day is a new challenge waiting! Thanks so much!!!!

harshedbuzz

@Palmetto Peg

The story about your bridge lover is a classic example of a conflated memory.

This is seen in many kinds of dementia; dad's form is particularly associated with confabulation and he did it all the time. This happens when a PWD recalls some germ of an event— in dad's case often emotionally charged in the earlier disease progression— and backfills the who-what-where-when-how— with random ideas from other events or even TV.

Early on this felt a bit like rewriting family history. There was one story he was stuck on— the shame and sadness he felt around both his sister and mine leaving their young children in a bar. Both women lost custody of their children and both have since died. Being in front of him, I served as a visual prompt in a retelling (to my then 13-year-old son) and became the bad guy. This was years before he was diagnosed and before I understood the concept and I was livid.

Some of his tales, however, were downright fanciful. I recall a tale during some world summit when he was hospitalized. His version was that the attending neurologist was leader of the free world and his residents were minions who held rallies and sang in the halls at night.

HB

Palmetto Peg

Confabulation - a new concept in our journey. That is exactly what he does at times. Thank you for helping me understand what is going on. He has done it before, but not quite to this degree. Another thing to learn to deal with………

annie51

I hear ya…beginning to see this with my DH also. We went away for a overnight trip to a place we've been many times. At one restaurant many years ago we sat at the window and there was a bullet hole near our feet. We made comments about it at that time and apparently nothing serious had happened. Anyway, fast forward about 5 years, we went back to that restaurant - he ALWAYS remembers the bullet hole, but this time he told the waitress that we were there at the window when someone across the street shot at the owner and killed him! The waitress just listened and acknowledged his story and I appreciated her reaction. You just never know what the brain will do!

Grammahesther

i am new to this group. My couqsin recommended it as i have no one to talk to and she thought this would help me.

My DH is apparantly in the early stages of dementia..i don’t know for sure as ne refuses any type of testing…… ut the confusion gets worse and worse. I can deal with that..but….he is stuck on,this story……he says ne was in the restaurant that i used to work at and a couole guys were talking about me..he neard one say…that is Heathers husband and another say. No wonder she does what she does………i have tried for three years to tell him i have done.nothing wrong….if a vehicle he does t recognize goes by our house..he thinks,they are looking for me.As long as i stay in the house and wait on him hand and foot (he is pretty much crippled with arthritis)..everything is fine..but the minute i say something as simple as …I am going to take the dog for a walk…..he comes unglued and starts…but it is always the same story..if,this is dementia..would he remember the same story every time???? The doctor does have him on anti anxiety meds.. but me leaving the house for any reason is a trigger…i need to be with him ALL the time.

Iris L.

Welcome Heather. Some anxiety medicine, such as benzodiazepines, may have a paradoxical effect in older adults. Instead of becoming calmed, they may become more anxious and agitated. You might discuss this paradoxical effect with the prescribing doctor. This is true for all older adults, not just those with dementia. He might benefit from a different class of medication, but that would require a dementia diagnosis and prescribing by a geriatric specialist.

Iris