Is this end of life symptoms? I’m so confused.

Hope5757

(Edited: I removed sentences that appeared to be critical of my spouse. He doesnt deserve that. We’re both trying our best.)

MIL is 91 with lung cancer, kidney disease, and mixed dementia. She was recently discharged for the second hospitalization in 30 days.

Since her first discharge at the end of March, she has declined tremendously. We initially attributed her decline to oxygen issues. But even on oxygen 24/7, she’s not bouncing back.

Currently, she eats less than 500 calories daily. She sleeps on and off all day long and is exhausted by bedtime. She’s stopped caring about her appearance (this is huge for my still lovely MIL) and no longer seems to care anything about anything. She doesn’t really want to see her grandchildren and daughter who are planning to visit.

She drinks very little - less than one 16 ounce bottle of water daily. As a result, she only pees twice a day and has had one small bowel movement in 7 days.

She isn’t in any distress and denies any pain. Her oxygen saturation is great, pulse rate, temperature, blood pressure are all fine also.

We go see her PCP next week but the otherwise excellent geriatric specialist is not a “tell it like it is” person.

M1

hi hope. Yes, it definitely sounds like she’s close. It’s great that she’s not in pain. I do think hospice could make it easier for all of you- so that if she does get uncomfortable you would have help deciding what to do….

ButterflyWings

It sounds like he is really in denial which is a coping mechanism lots of people struggle with. But the reality is what you see, and are reporting. It is time for you to apply your own common sense I think. When you "see something, say something" maybe should not only be left up to him. He could be in disbelief, grieving, or just in denial and can't see it.

Please call a local hospice agency and have her evaluated for comfort care. It can be at home, or at a hospice care center if you all prefer, but hospitals are no place for an elder with terminal issues. It actually is known to complicate things medically and endanger them more (infections, medication mistakes and or interactions, unnecessary procedures that won't save her life anyway…)

Hospice services are free to the family (insurances cover it). And the equipment, house calls from a nurse, CNA to help with personal care, supplies, emotional support for patient and family are just what you need. It has made it possible for me to care for my DH at home.

Attached is a lot of good information including an outline of end of life signs, as you asked. Good luck to you all. I'm sorry for what you are going through.

ALZ Stages TamCummings (2).pdf

Iris L.

I hope you can read the book "Hard Choices for Loving People", I believe it is available in pdf online and of course in paperback. It has helped many members.

Iris

harshedbuzz

@Hope5757

I missed the edited section. Let's just say that some folks are less pragmatic than others in this situation. In the last weeks of my dad's life both mom and my uncle seemed oblivious to the changes I was seeing in my dad. Is your DH struggling with this?

That does sound like late stage, but it can be hard to predict. I had an aunt who went through almost a year of life as you are describing it. She'd even stop eating for a week at a time for no apparent reason and then resume eating and drinking.

My friend's mom had untreated breast cancer and late-stage Alzheimer's. They brough hospice on about 4 months before mom died. It was a tremendous support for all involved. They were able to explain what was happening to mom as she reached her final stages and keep her comfortable. Their second chaplain was so supportive of them at this time, the family had her preside at the funeral rather than their parish priest.

HB

Hope5757

Thank you @Iris L. and @harshedbuzz -

Like harshedbuzz’s aunt, we had a good rebound last night. She slept 7 hours in the recliner and I was sure she was dying. Who sleeps all night, wakes up to eat half an egg, medication then sleeps 7 more hours?!

But once I woke her at 7 pm, she ate well-ish, interacted almost normally and seemed much better.

We’ll see how today goes!

jfkoc

Changes and being in the hospital are rough for a person with dementia. I would look back to how your MIL was before all that. I think that would givve you a better piicture.