Light bulb!

JC5

Think I’m finally figuring out my anger is all about realizing each outburst, each I don’t remember, reminds me about his dementia and He/I am slowly losing him! And I cannot change it! Feeling helpless wishing for something that will never be! In a way that “ light bulb” is helping. I hope!

M1

I agree that radical acceptance of the loss helps. I have to put emotional distance between myself and this shell of a person who used to be my dear partner, love of my life. I couldn't bear the pain if i let myself think about it too much. Similarly, i stopped watching the news after a tragic school shooting near us last year-i knew three of the families who lost children. Some things I just cannot think about in order to survive.

glad your insight is helping JC5.

White Crane

JC5, i’m glad your lightbulb moment helped. The anger and helplessness are part of the grieving process. We’re grieving for our loved ones while they’re still alive. It’s called ambiguous grief and it hurts. Sending hugs.

sfrsythe

I had my first experience with this last week. My heart broke (I’m a newbie to this). So thankful for this entity for helping me understand what was happening to me. So thankful you all are here. I totally understand your feelings!

fmb

Not only is ambiguous grief devastating, it is not really recognized or understood by most of the outside world, including even some grief counselors. The wonderful people here in this forum truly get it.

I recently posted this in a another thread about recommended books: "Loving Someone who has Dementia" by Pauline Boss. Her exploration of ambiguous grief helped me understand the devastating grief I was feeling as my DH slips away into his own world of dementia. She has written another book, "Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief" which is out of print but is available used. I haven't read it yet.