Doughnuts

Whyzit2

DH has diabetes. Every Saturday morning is a coffee and doughnuts get together at our condo complex. It became an unpleasant situation when DH would eat 4 or more doughnuts so I have been taking him out to breakfast instead to avoid his uncontrollable behavior.

Today while I was getting our car to go to breakfast, DH encountered the gal who serves the coffee and doughnuts and she offered to save him some doughnuts for when we got back from breakfast. Of course He said yes. So there they were in our mailbox when we returned. He was so excited! I wasn’t!

Yesterday at my Dr appointment, I made the comment that if we had the money DH would be in MC right now and he doesn’t qualify for Medicaid yet. The Dr replied that DH is just too healthy to qualify. Despite being diabetic, having asthma and COPD, a stent in his heart, survivor of lung cancer, rotten teeth, not knowing the day of the week etc.,and being incontinent HE IS TOO HEALTHY!

Next Saturday I plan on going to the coffee and doughnut get together. I may even eat four doughnuts. I definitely have been working too hard to keep him healthy…….14 years into it….. while I’m at it I may arrange for him to go to respite care. A month off of caregiver duties is what the Dr recommended.

Phoenix1966

Some days, it just seems like the universe has it in for us. Maybe, if you’re comfortable telling her some of your concerns, you can explain to the “doughnut lady” why your DH simply can’t have them and as thoughtful as her gesture was, it would be better for him if she never mentions them again.

I do hope you look into respite care, because you definitely need to take care of yourself, too.

M1

That sounds like a good plan (the respite care, I mean).

I agree that it sounds like you have been trying too hard, and the donuts have become a control issue. We're so used to wanting to have tight control of diabetes—-but really, in the face of terminal dementia, to what end? If he wants to eat four donuts, I think I might let him eat four donuts. It's not going to kill him immediately, and he probably has few pleasures left.

It also sounds like this doc doesn't know what he's talking about. His qualifying for Medicaid for long-term care has nothing to do with being "too healthy…"—-it's a financial qualification, not a health one. Maybe what he meant is that in your state, Medicaid will probably only cover skilled nursing home care, not memory care—and your DH doesn't have any skilled needs. Maybe that's what he was trying to get across? But you may be eligible for in-home help—really, if you haven't investigated it, you should.

eaglemom

I totally agree with MI - I believe you need to look into Medicaid qualifications on your own. I think perhaps the doctor didn't know what he was speaking about. It happens! Or he said one thing but meant something else. "Healthy" isn't a requirement - or at least not to my knowledge its not.

eagle