clueless cashier

JJ401

We went to the grocery store today. DH pushes the cart as we wind our way around the store. We get to the checkout and he puts the items on the conveyor. There’s no bagger so he starts to grab a paper bag to fill. The store now charges for bags so we bring our own. I stop him and remind him we brought cloth bags. He starts filling the bag with the soft items first so I remind again — cardboard boxes on bottom - leave milk separate. I pay. He finishes.
Cashier looks at him and says — she really has you on a short leash.

DH was clueless about the comment. I did well. I didn’t scream at her. We just left.

SSHarkey

Oh my. Well done, you.

M1

I would make no bones about telling her, in private. Or saying something to the manager. Everybody under the sun gets groceries and many have disabilities, she needs to learn better....teachable moment. So exhausting though...

upstateAnn

What I do when things like this happen is just to gently say my husband has dementia. It is amazing how much empathy I have received from strangers.

Iris L.

I agree, this could have been a teachable moment. She had no business saying that, even if he didn't have a disability. No explanation is necessary.

Iris

subversivevegan

How was this clerk supposed to know?

I bought some colorful business-sized cars from Etsy that said "The person I'm with has dementia…please be patient with us". I didn't have to use them often, but they were always met with great kindness and accommodation.

Give folks a chance and they are almost always understanding.

tigersmom

My advice is to stop shopping there and switch to Trader Joe’s, if there is one near you. My DH and I are in TJs several times a week. It is pretty obvious in most transactions that something is amiss with him, between the volunteering of his life story and the show and tell with his clothing, but not one checker has ever been anything but kind and interested. Your store needs to train their staff better. If you continue to shop there, I would speak to the manager about it.

harshedbuzz

@JJ401

I am sorry that happened to you.

I'm sort of with subversivevegan on this. One thing I learned as the parent of a now adult child with a so-called invisible disability is that if you do not supply and explanation for your LO's behavior, the random public will assign one for you. And you probably won't like it. I grew a thicker skin which served me well dealing with my dad. Other parents and caregivers I know use those information cards— you can even include the URL of the Alzheimer's Association to best leverage the teachable moment.

Having been a cashier in college, the scenario you describe of the wife micromanaging her retired husband bagging groceries is quite common— so much so that it likely didn't occur to her that she was being unkind.

HB

Belle60

I have oftened wondered what people must think when I order for him in restaurants or redirect him in the grocery store. A lot of times I have to explain the buffet line or simply make him a plate which I do at home as well. I have heard of the cards you can hand out but have not got to that point yet. No one has said anything to me yet. I am honestly not sure how I would respond. I do agree it is a good opportunity to educate others and decrease the stigma.