Tips for AL transition for LO

clenno

My sister and I just went through moving our mother (almost 80) into AL a little over 2 weeks ago. We are feeling the guilt and angst that so many have shared but are realizing just how much she needed to be placed. She has been overwhelmed and confused and gets lost in the facility quite easily. We have her on meal "escort" service so she makes it meals OK but either forgets or won't go to any activities yet unless we are there to take her. This past week she is expressing fear that she is going to "do" something wrong and we'll hate her and stop coming to see her. Says she hates living there and doesn't understand why she had to move. She thinks she was doing just fine on her own. She's not had an official dementia diagnosis (multi-dimensional amnestic MCI 2 years ago) but she's at the point where she forgets her meds, wouldn't shower (afraid of stepping over tub), has difficulty operating the TV and phone, and wasn't eating unless we brought food for her to microwave and even then would forget to eat. My question for folks who have been through this is: is there anything we can try to help her ease her transition? I've read that visiting (or not) helps, taking your LO out (or not) can help), etc. What are other's experiences?

M1

Welcome to the forum. The question everyone faces is whether the level of care is appropriate, or does she really need memory care. Unfortunately there's a saying on these boards that by the time most families consider AL, that ship had long sailed, and what is really needed is memory care. A frequent poster with screen name harshedbuzz also talks about a "mean girls" phenomenon in AL in which those with dementia are shunned, when other residents pick up on the inability to participate in activities and conversations. I hope this doesn't prove to be the case for your mom, but your comments suggest it, especially if she is worried about missteps. Time will tell. It's a very hard transition, wish i had something more positive to offer.

psg712

Agree with M1. The fact that she is getting lost in the facility, can't find the dining room without an escort at each meal, avoids showers, and won't go the activities unless you take her ... all of these things point to a possible need for a higher level of care than AL can provide.

Yes there is an adjustment period, but most will adjust better if family isn't there orchestrating everything in the schedule. She should be able to start new relationships, choose activities to do, take care of most personal needs without coaching. When you take her to an activity, can she make the craft or play the game without your step by step assistance? If not, this setting may be too advanced for her abilities.