Seeing the end but not

UA1

I’m such a mixed bag of emotions. My father is the most resilient man I know, and I mean very resilient. Every time the docs have said he won’t overcome, he does, whether it’s walking post stroke, body self healing brain bleeds, malignant stomach tumor that was supposed to be the end within a matter of months but never became symptomatic.

Early last year we were told he was advanced stage Alzheimer’s/vascular dementia. He had a severe seizure a few months back and we thought that was it, in fact the doctors told us it was. We nursed him back as a family. After that however he was very resigned, still enjoyed a couple things like the grandkids but he wasn’t the same. Last month he had a really nasty fall and experienced a severe decline. Walking became almost impossible but he still managed with his walker and dragging his foot. His anxiety kicked up a couple notches. I’ve felt like I was around the clock with him these last few month but that was nothing compared to this last week. We put him on hospice a few weeks back so we could get to know the team before they were really needed. Hasn’t even started any of the meds yet when he had 2 seizures in a row last week.

I really tried to go through the same rounds we always do but this time was different. He’s just gotten too weak physically and his dementia/Alzheimer’s is advanced even more. He can’t stand anymore and can barely sit up for a few seconds. He’s still trying to get up and do things, doesn’t know his limitations. We started him on meds for agitation and pain and now he sleeps most of the day. He wakes up for a few minutes here and there, his speech is practically gone, he’s only eating 200-300 calories on a good day and maybe 8-10oz of water. I feel so horrible for giving him these meds but if he’s not on them and awake then he’s in pain, confused, angry, and aggressive. My mom is burnt out and I feel like I have to be the strong one. When he’s sedated there’s some weird form of peace for him and for the family.

I keep scouring websites to get some inclination of how long this goes or how long a person can last with this little food and water, what to expect, I don’t know, something. I feel so bad for him. All night I hear him mumbling and grumbling and throwing his hands in the air, there’s definitely some delirium to say the least. If I answer him he wants help getting up, when I lay him back down he gets angry, so I just sit in silence, him not knowing I’m watching and he usually quiets down unless he needs the bathroom in which case that’s a whole episode trying to tell him he needs to urinate in his diaper and I’ll clean him up afterwards.

How long can this go on? I don’t want him to die but I want him to have rest from this life. For the last 6 years he’s been more and more frustrated with things he can’t do or can’t understand or can’t remember. Today I think he only had maybe 145 calories plus a bit of water from a syringe mixed with his crushed medicine. What does the prognosis look like?

Quilting brings calm

to answer your question:it’s a matter a matter of days and weeks, not months once they start eating and drinking so little. Don’t worry that he’s hungry or thirsty- he’s not. His body can’t handle any more food than that at this point.

I’m sorry.

harshedbuzz

You could certainly ask someone from hospice what they think. They may have some general thoughts but it can be hard to predict.

I had an aunt who would occasionally stop eating and drinking the last 18 months. Each time we thought 'this is it" but until the last time, she started eating and drinking a little after a week or so. When my MIL stopped eating and drinking it took about 10 days for her to pass and she was already down to about 80lbs.

UA1

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/208719#Comment_208719

thanks, I was really worried about that as I was seeing others say that their loved ones dropped to 60/70 lbs. what you said makes sense.

UA1

harshedbuzz that’s what I’m afraid of. I can’t imagine watching my father go through that. Today my father’s breathing changed and he’s going between 8 to 20 seconds between breaths at times. The nurse told us today he seems to be in the transition phase and in an active dying state now. He hasn’t had water in 2 days and we’re now hitting the 2nd day without food. He’s not even waking up any more, just super jumpy with agitation in his body. 😢

harshedbuzz

@UA1

I'm thinking of you at this time. I hope you have peace and strength and that dad can have a gentle passing if it's time.

HB