I believe my mother may have Alzheimer’s.

mslane

My dad is 82 and in good health. My mom is 77 and my dad and I believe she has Alzheimer’s. She will not leave the house and refuses to see a doctor. She sleeps throughout the day and gets up around 7-8pm. She argues with my dad and blames him for everything she’s feeling. This goes on almost every night until 4-5 am. She doesn’t remember any of it. She repeats herself constantly. She has isolated herself from everyone. I know she needs help and just don’t know how to proceed. I cannot get her out of the house and she won’t allow visitors. My dad can barely leave to get groceries. Please advise…

M1

Welcome to the forum. Does your father hold medical and legal power of attorney for her? He-or you-will need it in order to get help for her. So there are two prongs to pursue. Clearly she needs medical evaluation. Sometimes it works to tell here there's a new Medicare requirement, you have to be seen or you will lose your insurance. Fake a letter if you have to. And then of course you and your dad communicate your concerns to the doctor ahead of time, in writing.

Legally, if one of you doesn't already hold power of attorney, you need to talk to a certified elder law attorney (CELA) about getting it. If she won't sign, you may have to pursue guardianship, which is more complicated and costly. Some of the attorneys are good at this though and may be able to convince her, especially if presented in the context of the entire family updating their legal records. Look at nelf.org. A good CELA can also help you assess finances should she need memory care (which it sounds like she might).

H1235

I agree with M1. Create what ever story will work to get her to the doctor. I know it seems wrong and some really struggle with the dishonesty n the beginning, but it is what is best for her. If her doctor has a healthcare portal that is a great way to get information to the doctor. I would explain everything in detail and the difficulty in getting her there. I would be worried about your dad too. Can you or other family give him some help? With your dad being 82 that’s a lot on him. I know you need to get legal matters taken care of first, but I would also start thinking about AL. Would your dad go with her? What is their financial situation? Will they qualify for Medicaid? It is so overwhelming!