Incontinence question

Abby1567

Hubby and I are hikers. Every day we hike for 3-4 miles. It’s so good for both of us, but he’s had two instances recently where he lost bowel control. He knows he has to go but can’t make it home. It happened today and we made it home but he went in his pants and it got on the carpet. Afterwards he told me he has a lump “down there” and it’s been there for awhile. It looks to me like a hemorrhoid. Has anybody else had something like this happen? I don’t think he’s incontinent yet. It’s only happened twice and I think it has probably happened to all of us at some point. I’m going to make an appointment with his PCP tomorrow but thought I would check in with you all to see if you have any insight. Thank you!

easy23

Hi! What stage dementia is your husband? I think bowel incontinence is stage 6.

My husband has had his share of colon problems through the years. He always wound up getting a colonoscopy in order for the doctor to make a diagnosis. I would expect the PCP to make a referral to a gastroenterologist.

Nowhere

I think diet can have an impact here. Consuming too much coffee or chocolate or gluten has loose stool effect on my otherwise continent husband. And during these times it’s hit or miss getting too the toilet in time. He also doesn’t wipe as well as he once did. He is in advanced dementia- Stage 6.

fmb

Diet definitely can matter. I found out the hard way that I am lactose intolerant (severe and sudden very loose stools) and twice had to hurry off the walking trail to relieve myself. Definitely something to bring up with the doctor if you see a correlation between these episodes and something he ate.

gampiano

This may sound blunt, but how about shortening the hikes? I'm speaking from experience here. We have to adapt, and sometimes quickly.

ghphotog

Yes, a couple years before full blown incontinence and before Depends my DW would tell me in the car that she had to go. I would immediately turn towards home but we rarely made it. She tried as hard as she could to hold it but couldn't. All I could do was hold her hand and tell her it was ok while she sobbed. Stool softeners were generally the culprit then. Yes it's very heartbreaking.

concerned_sister

Forgive the TMI.

I have IBD (digestive disease) and have made friends over the years with others who are much more afflicted. Those in that community generally make sure there is always a clean change of clothes and products to use to clean up in the case of an accident stored in the trunk. A particular friend when on an interstate road trip took a large empty 5? gallon paint bucket on trips. In a pinch it was large enough to sit on if it wasn't possible to get to a restroom. Just in case this is of help to anyone.

(Back in the day it was a large non-descript plastic bucket. More recently I've seen similar sized buckets in orange with the Home Depot logo.)

Bill_2001

Hi Abby,

Long walks and hikes were always a favorite activity for my dear wife and me. Incontinence of either type, but especially number 2, is a real kick in the pants (pun intended).

I am happy that you have made a doctor appointment to rule out possible causes. Sadly, incontinence comes with dementia (eventually), so even if the doctor can help, you may face this again in the future. Here is how I have handled this.

I have not given up walks with my wife. It is too good for her (and me) to give up on. You want to keep your loved one walking and mobile as long as possible. Incontinence may seem like a deal breaker, but it does not have to be.

Check the side effects of your loved one's medication. If you find one that causes indigestion, a sour stomach, loose bowels, etc., see if the doctor will go along with reducing the dosage. This one step helped my dear wife have fewer accidents.

Review his diet. Try to avoid foods and drinks that can cause loose bowels before you leave home for your hike. This also helped me with my wife.

Find a hiking trail (or walking trail) that has restrooms available. I take my wife to the restroom there upon arrival, and I also then have a place to deal with an accident if it happens.

You may need to slow down a bit when hiking. I found a trail with benches, and my wife gravitates toward them when she needs to rest. Her incontinence is worse when she is exhausted, and her dementia prevents her from simply saying "I need to rest," "my tummy hurts," etc. I have had to give up the more rugged trails, and we are basically "hiking" (walking) paved trails in local parks these days. But we are outside! (Smile.)

Finally, I buy good quality adult diapers for her. Generally, I buy three different capacities. She uses lighter ones for around the house, heavier ones for going out (like hiking with me), and overnight capacity for sleeping. Try to find more than one brand in case they are out of stock. Trust me: Don't skimp on this. It is money well spent. Carry extras in the car, and in your backpack for diaper changes "in the field."

Keep up the walking!

Love, Bill_2001

Abby1567

Bill,

Can I ask what stage your DW is in? I believe my DH is 4, maybe starting 5. We still have a good life and spend every day together doing something we both enjoy. We are still operating our B&B but I fear this may be our last year. There are days when he’s on top of everything and life still seems normal and then “there are days”. I try to stay optimistic and deal with the small changes and odd behaviors as they come along. What else can we do? Thank you so much for your input. I find this chat room such a big help and feel comfort in knowing I can reach out to a place where everybody understands.

😊

Bill_2001

Hi Abby,

My dear wife is well into stage 6.

I feel for you; stages 4 and 5 are absolutely terrifying for us caregivers. Our loved one is semi-aware of their condition, frustrated, and may resist care. I do not miss those stages.

I promise you, stage 6 can be easier in some ways. My dear wife is no longer self-aware enough to resist care. She will not wander off or resist a diaper change anymore. But this stage means double incontinence, so I have become a lean, mean, adult-diaper changing machine LOL.

Other caregivers may have different experiences with the stages, and a lot of the ease (or difficulty) comes from the personality of your dear loved one.

Keep your chin up and try to enjoy your hikes as best as you can. If you must adjust the distance or difficulty, that is far better than giving up. You got this!

Love Bill_2001