At what point do you consider MC

CORDERO

Is there any right time or stage to consider MC for your spouse? Cost is not a consideration in this case. But when is your LO better off in a structured environment than dealing with caretakers that she can't stand?

M1

welcome to the forum. I think there are as many answers to this question as there are people with dementia. Too many individual circumstances to generalize. If it feels like the right time for your family and loved one, then it probably is. If you read and search on old threads, there are many many recurring discussions about pros and cons of memory care and how to choose a facility.

sandwichone123

For my spouse, the right time was when I didn't feel it was wise for him to stay home alone or go out for a walk alone (I was still working). I say if she can't stand the caregivers, the time is now.

Pdxnewbie

I think part of the answer is in what are the other options considering quality of life for both of you. I actually made the wrong decision placing my wife in MC when I was capable of caring for her at home with some home health care assistance. After 12 days I brought her home and she has been stable and content for 2 months now.

One comment sticks with me from the facility manager -- if the person knows they are in memory care, they don't belong there. This was true in our situation but I know sometimes there is no other choice.

MN Chickadee

For us it was incontinence that really necessitated a move. Before that we were doing ok with mom (who had Alz) going to adult daycare 5 days a week which gave her activities and socialization. But the incontinence and night waking was too hard at home. My 75 year old father doing the brunt of the caregiving would have died first if we had continued on, it was so much work despite me living close by and providing coverage. There is no right answer or time, it is different for every family. And no matter what you decide and when, you will probably be left with doubt and what-ifs, that is normal. My mother was very upset at the move and had some idea she was in a facility. She was definitely one of the more high functioning residents and also looked much younger because she was healthy and naturally had no gray hair. The adjustment was hard, but after she settled in she did really well. She actually did better than she had been at home after the adjustment period. The routine and "groundhogs day" nature of it was good for her and she had so much more structure and the health oversight from the nurses was better than we could ever do. You have to take in a larger picture when making the decision, including their safety at home, how much activity and socialization they are getting, and the caregivers health and well being. Generally speaking though, once a caregiver starts to ask when you know if it's time, it's getting to be time……

three4rd

"if the person knows they are in memory care, they don't belong there." That's a really interesting observation. My wife and I were just talking about how my 98 year aunt could have greatly benefited by AL in alot of ways, but of course she would have none of it when the subject came up; however, now, things have progressed to the point where MC (at least it seems that way sometimes) might be more appropriate.

sandwichone123

One thing I'd like to add is that as soon as you're wondering about memory care is the time to start looking at facilities in your area. Don't wait until there's a crisis to look around. You may choose to wait, but when you're ready you will know what is out there.

Arrowhead

I placed my wife in memory care 7 months ago. There are times I wish I hadn't, but for selfish reasons. I miss her and hate living alone and sometimes I get lonely, wishing she was still here. She, however, seems have to adjusted to her new life a lot easier than I have to mine.

jfkoc

You consider it now as your Plan B. You want a facility in place in case "the other shoe drops".

When to place often relies on making a pro/con evaluation unless the other shoe has dropped. When making this kind of evaluation you need to put you as well as your loved one into the equasion. Also cost of total care in relationship to bringing in care.

The decision is usually wrentching but we are here to help as we can.