Mom's Alzheimers and wanting to go home

Bean1217

My mom is 77 and was diagnosed almost 3 years ago with Alzheimers. She has been steadily declining the past three years. She was born in Romania; and has been in the country for 50+ years. She keeps saying she wants to go home; I tell her she is home and she says this is not her home. I tell her we cannot travel because our passports expired. I tell her that she cannot leave me (jokingly), her family is here, her dogs are here etc. I try to divert the conversation to something else. Ice Cream or chocolate sometimes works; any suggestions?

M1

Welcome to the forum Bean (that's a family nickname for several in our clan). My partner does this all the time too, and it's pretty common. typically what they are remembering is their childhood home—for my partner it was a small town in Texas, and she persistently says she's going there/wants to be there/ is moving back there. I just say things like, "I know you really loved it" and "what are the things you miss the most?" Those will usually get her talking, or at least it's a validating statement. i don't try to argue with her or correct her. Most of the time she thinks her parents and a sister (who died in 2021) are still alive, and I don't correct her on that either. I just say, "you all were so close, I know you really miss them" or "they are such good people."

harshedbuzz

This is pretty common. There are caregivers here who speak of their LO's standing in the home in which they lived for decades— even built with their own hands— wanting "to go home".

I often did the same as M1, using "home" and the mention of long-dead LOs as a segue into that topic as a pleasant conversation as in "I miss the <special meal> nana made. She sure could cook…" The redirection to a snack is a good strategy too.

HB

easy23

Sounds like you're doing a good job.

.My husband always wants to go home. What works for me right now is I ask him for the address of "home." If he gives me our current address, I take him out for a ride and then bring him back. This seems to reset his brain.

If he gives me a childhood address, I ask him to stay with me in my home for a few days - he would be doing me a big favor. Then, like you, I make up a reason why I can't drive him to his "home" today.