New to alz. just lost a close family member last week; if someone can help with a few questions

Artistic

Hello,

I'm new to the alz.connected I've been in contact with the Alzheimer's Association for 3 years now since I found out our now late cousin had a mild case of dementia. He passed away just a little over a week ago and I took off last Monday for his wake and his funeral was on Tuesday & I took off on Thursday to myself. Since on Tuesday's and Wednesday's I'm off and I'm currently looking for another job especially on that treats you better anyway we get two 15 minute breaks which I very rarely get my last one and an hour for dinner. Everything was fine until last night after I went back from my dinner I always clock out when I get to the back I don't consider going to the bathroom part of my break or dinner. Anyway it's very easy to try and put words into someone's mouth that's completely untrue and try to blame you for something I'm never given any credit for anything I do but others are. Here my team leads that are new know I and my family lost a cousin; brother; uncle; grandparent; friend; etc. But yet get me upset because they don't want lines and brought up and had nerve to bring up about how a few of my teammates including one was running around doing things because

I wasn't there because I was out for a wake and funeral. To me that's just nerve there was absolutely no reason to even bring that up not even for any example how many times do I do things for other people who are just talking to other people and not paying attention to customers? No one should hold anything like this over me or my family here as a proud Advocate and Volunteer I don't judge who are they to judge me and my family? He may have been our oldest cousin but to me being the youngest then our second cousins our cousins to me are like older brothers and sisters and Mother's and Father's. Some more then others but he was one that we were close to along with his younger brothers and sister and a few others; I feel they can take advantage of a situation because we lost someone close to us. Then want me to do something for him? He may be my supervisor one of them but having no respect for me or my family and those gone from us is all another; I'm hoping someone can give me a little advice about this. Has anyone else ever been through anything like this after losing a loved one? Has anyone else ever been or felt like they're not being appreciated for their work especially after losing a loved one? Please any suggestions would be very greatly appreciated.

dayn2nite2

Sometimes if you work for a smaller employer these things will happen because there's less people to spread the work to when you're out, and that can create resentment.

For a cousin, my employer (large) does not give bereavement time. We only get it for immediate family members (mother, father, spouse, child, sibling). If we take time it has to be our paid time off. Even for an immediate family member, it is 3 days max (consecutive), which as you know is not enough time. It is what it is.

Artistic

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/209908#Comment_209908

Thank you for getting back to me I really appreciate it; I'm new to this chat group so I just saw your message we do get bereavement time I work right now for a retailer a large company but it's unpaid so I took 2 days PTO since I live by myself and need the money especially today. I was out in a store not mine but I said that here we lost a close family member a little over a week ago tomorrow on Thursday will be 2 weeks, it doesn't feel sometimes feel real to me. But I remember I was 30 years old and our uncle passed away another close family member just because he was our uncle; aunt; cousin with our family most of us feel and look up to them as older brothers and sisters. Sometimes I looked up to them as Mother and Father images also but my job called me a liar at that time I even took a card from our late uncles wake like I did for our now late cousin my one team lead approved of my 2 days off I needed time to myself. One thing I don't like is here I just get back from a couple of days off for this; I do how much running around and when I'm told to take my dinner or go on my break I don't consider myself going to the bathroom part of it. If they're so concerned of long lines where I work most new cashiers went to a different department but they won't let me until I get another job; because they know I'm just one of them that get the work done. But here what nerve to say when I was out for 2 days this person covered 18 registers on self-checkout. And what about myself? I've done that plus covered up to 22 registers on self-checkout and one of my team leads said by pausing that's a different story no it's not. Then I said you're going to hold our late cousins wake and funeral over me that's real nerve he wouldn't want that at all; my family is about being there for each other not against each other he was one of my closer cousins. His title may have been a cousin but even with our late Mother he's only about 5 years younger then her his brother 6 years so it says some when things like this happen and the best way is by being around myself or our family. His younger brother who drives down here to see me and would drive down with his older brother 3 years ago was just different as my 2 older brothers said we had a lot of good times together and those memories we have. When our cousins wife passed away 3 years ago to his death; our older cousins wanted my opinion on any ideas how to do or what to put on the stone? I gave some advice we looked at a few things and took some pictures we of course asked if we could they said sure so I looked what I have and gave my suggestions our parents would want that. That's what family is about to us; I called our second oldest cousin who's going through his own thing yesterday since I'm off on Tuesday's and Wednesday's. I asked him how's he doing? He said he's doing good how are you doing?

I said I'm hanging in there thanks for asking he said just take it slow don't rush it we know that grief is a very strange thing and for everyone is different. My friend texted me earlier today to see how I was doing along with my family? Like for everyone it's going to take time I tried to fool around with my 2 older brothers by texting they didn't know I was just fooling around. I can't really get it in me to do LOL right now I just say I'm just kidding then we have our nieces bridal shower next month in June; and her wedding in September this year. It's going to feel and seem very strange and weird without a cousin there now and for a family gathering at the end of the year. I've tried to help the best I can including being there for our cousins and it just doesn't feel like it was enough; our cousins and the one that passed would say it's good to see me I said it's good to see you too. Our cousin who passed away said to me when we were visiting his late wife he would say I'm glad you're here with me I'd say I'm glad to be here with you too; just I had to clock in that day for 2:59pm to midnight but I did my best trying to be there for them I just wished people who I work with like most of them and my team leads and our coach who's new understood this it would've been nice if they were; I guess not. When I saw them he was fine despite his dementia and any other health condition; in the meantime my job doesn't want me to leave. But I deserve a better job one that appreciates you along with more money I had a job opportunity right before everything happened to him. Now I'm like what do I do? Someone said to still try and see and of course explain my situation I'm doing better but I think it's the shock it was so soon and most of all I got the call from his sister when I was at work. We rely on each other for us to be there for each other regardless but as someone said to me from another store said that sounds very cold how can they be like that to you?

I said I don't know, but I'm just trying to go on and try to except what happened and here right before I went on my 2 days off my 2 team leads tried to put false words into my mouth plus say we'll others were doing 18 registers. And I've done it too, I even did up to 22 registers so I said let's not put any pins on anyone especially after the week I did have along with my family. I'll always have the memories there with our cousins and so will anyone in my family in different ways; but here it has been taking me all of this time to try and figure out dementia and Alzheimer's so I can help his family and the family all together. I'm just hoping this week will be better with them and I think I'm going to speak to HR about this and see about a transfer hopefully for the same if not more money until I get another job. Others said that's wrong no one should be timing you going to the bathroom & I agree if maybe they treated people better they would be able to keep employees I pick up others slack and they don't get spoken to. I go to the bathroom before I go on my quick 15 or my dinner and I get spoken to just after this; the 4 days were fine until Monday, why? To get me upset on my days off? That's wrong too we have this new mgmt and just here you're not allowed to see someone for the last time? Are they ok? They wouldn't like it if it were them that's how my family looks at it but like you said it is what it is; and they give 2 days off not 3 but like you said it's not enough; all I can do is my best , time will heal especially when I get another job, hopefully very soon.

dayn2nite2

Oh my, just reading your story makes me want to ask - does your employer start with a "M"? Because it sounds awfully familiar! My brother worked for the M people and said they worked him like a dog.

Artistic

No, it's Walmart and I'm currently looking for another job I might have a few job options I'm keeping my fingers crossed; but yesterday was very bad. I had a customer on self checkout they've lost more cashiers because of these customers says some; and they have a saying that the customer is always right when a lot of times they're wrong. If I could just leave my job right now I would but I can't but here this customer said that the tomatoes are by each not by pound so I was never told by my team lead how to put it in as each. As my family and I know a lot of people will look to get away with everything; then I'm in this bullpen by myself with 8 registers plus doing other registers. Of course people will complain but don't blame me for it only so much I can do I'm by myself here yesterday this customer was either recording me helping another customer or taking my picture either way it's wrong and goes under harassment. Everything was fine until that customer but yet I'm a great employee then why are they complaining about me doing my job? This team lead said he doesn't want me to get another job or leave or transfer he likes how I work and needs me; if you like how I work then treat me with some respect also. I'm hoping to have another job very soon I do too much for them plus on top of that he had nerve to bring up about when I need time off they approve it I said to him after I got back from my dinner. Just so you know to bring up about the time you approved off for my but our late cousins wake that Monday and a day to myself on Thursday was definitely not right and out of line. He claimed he didn't mean it that way I took it wrong I said we'll that's how anyone would take it and as a former office worker; and a former security guard I think of going back to it; and being a lead guard until new mgmt found out I have a medical condition that I've had since I was misdiagnosed as a baby. Thankfully it's under control with my medicine but I did work for one employer that was very abusive and I wasn't allowed to take my medicine one day. When here my former site supervisor knew about it but anyway how do you add tomatoes as only single and not as a pound? Even another customer said what he said to me was wrong and how he was treating me yet they let these customers walk all over you I guess because I'm not in by anyone they have a lot to learn about respect with people and most of all their employees that's why most of them either transfer or just leave. Hopefully very soon I'll have another job the sooner the better but even my family said that it's not my fault if the customer doesn't understand I'm trying to explain something to the customer the customer was raising his voice not me. If my team lead felt it was getting out of control then he should've stepped in that's what I would've done and my family would've done. But now just recently customers have been complaining about my attitude, what attitude? It's the same it was last month just my allergy is bothering me last month we had a loss in our family; I sure hope they're not trying to get rid of me? Especially for no reason.