Entertainment/Communication

Quilter42

My DH with ALZ always says 'I've see this before or I've been here before' regarding any new tv show, movie or visiting a new place. My mom with vascular dementia never did this. Does anyone else have this issue? It's very frustrating to try to do anything together.

H1235

Could it be his way of telling you he doesn’t want to do something?

M1

Welcome to the forum. I think it's pretty common. My partner does it quite frequently. She says she's been places and done things that I know are completely untrue. Nothing to do but ignore i think. But it's hard when it's new. You're losing the person you used to know and that you used to rely on for companionship.

Pdxnewbie

My wife does this as well with TV shows. I usually concede to her that she may be right but continue to watch the show.

Jgirl57

same here; My HWD/Alz says this about TV shows, movies, restaurants and also says that he has lived in various states . None of it is true. Some days there are elaborate tales and I just let him chatter away. Not sure how long this stage lasts but is has been well over a year since this began.

harshedbuzz

I'd say this is pretty common.

Early on, I used to wonder if it was a knee-jerk response from dad trying to prove his memory was fine in the context of mom— who was struggling with both the behaviors and where they were pointing pre-diagnosis— saying things like "Don't you remember?".

Later in the disease he conflated memories constantly. He may have genuinely believed he'd done something or been somewhere if he heard about it or had been somewhere similar. Dad's much younger brother was invited each summer by his aunt to provide company to their cousin who was my uncle's age on their annual summer road trip. In the middle stages I heard all manner of tales of dad's travels to National Parks out west. He also conflated a renting a condo in SC for golf trips into owning houses there. The vacation house he did own was in FL.

Chug brings up a good point about apathy. Dad no longer enjoyed many things he used to. Even though he could read, as in decode written word, his short-term memory was so poor he couldn't recall what he'd read (or seen on TV) long enough to make sense of a plot. As a result, we heard a lot of complaints about new books from authors he'd enjoyed not being as good as earlier works. Even rereading old favorites he'd complain that the book wasn't as good as he remembered.

If there's one thing that struck me about dementia it's the duality of behaviors being so similar and yet so different among individuals with the disease. When dad had dementia, so did 2 of my mom's sisters and the mom of a dear friend. Two of them had mixed dementia (1 ALZ/VD and 1 ALZ/WKS), one had VD and one had ALZ. TBH, personality and temperament informed their behaviors in dementia at least as much as their specific dementia did.

HB

SusanB-dil

Same here - especially with anything with a regular actor/actress… 'I've seen this one before'. We have come to the conclusion that she may have indeed seen that 'person' before, and no longer distinguishes that they are now doing something different. Therefore, she has 'seen that before'. We have asked her 'so what happens next?' She replies 'if you don't know, I'm not telling you', or, 'I don't want to ruin it for you'. awwwrighty! MIL grew up loving NASCAR. Now she has even 'seen' the new races, which is one of the things that led us to that conclusion. "Who wins?" 'I don't remember.'

JDancer

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/210044#Comment_210044

Why would you ask a PWD those questions?

M1

Well put HB—-there is SO much similarity in the behaviors we all describe and witness, and yet so many individual quirks too. It is in fact an odd duality.

SusanB-dil

We ask to kind of see where she stands. That's how we came to the conclusion that she thinks she has seen these things before, simply because some of the people or things are the same, not so much the activity. She has actually giggled when she says 'if you don't know I'm not telling'. Like a kid who knows something that you don't, so she has one-up on you.

SusanB-dil

@JDancer ah - yes, I see what you mean about asking… and normally, we just go with the flow. But when she (MIL) says she has 'seen that before', she thinks it is funny that she knows something we don't.

There is one place in particular we eat out, because she is familiar with it. She says she used to have lunch there with her teacher-friends/co-workers. This diner wasn't built yet when she was still a teacher. In this case, we just say 'oh, that must have been nice'. There is a house we do visit, and she says she used to visit there when she was a little girl. She states that there were 2 little girls next door that she would visit with and their dad was a truck-driver. This particular house isn't very old, so that would not have been possible. Again, we just go with the flow. Reply with 'oh, that's interesting' or similar. (and we know the neighbors of that house - they had 2 boys and a girl, and the dad was a machinist. The girl lives there now.)

edit to add - we do believe she is remembering these things, but had to have taken place at a different place. And for this, we do not ask. We just let her enjoy that 'memory' and her story with it.

Quilter42

Thanks everyone for all your responses. Like you I just go with the flow with my DH. Its funny sometimes as he claims we both seen this before and I say I have not, he tells me he's concerned I'm losing my memory. This is a touch disease to navigate as what we do today may work but not tomorrow. I am grateful for this community website as when I had to go through this with both of my parents years ago, getting help like this was not available. Best of luck to all of you and the people who have it.

Remember there is always HOPE💕

ButterflyWings

Classic delusional behavior. Delusions = false beliefs. Part of the dementia territory.

Also, great reminders and examples of what I first learned here: when you've met one PWD, you've met one PWD. Similarities, but such individuality…since we are all individuals and no two brains are alike. One of the few things about this horrific disease category that makes sense!