Home care
I’m so tired and drained. I need help or I’m going to pass out. This week I’m calling Visiting Angels and asking you all who else can I call? I need someone to come in a couple of times a week just so I can have a break. Asking hubby to get ready this morning was a huge challenge. I’d ask him to get dressed and he sits and says I will. Or he goes in kitchen and eats candy. He finally got dressed and shaved. But again he was very reluctant and taking his time etc. we went to my sisters bbq and I was feeling just heartbroken today. I’d like someone to come in as a companion right now. Please let me hear your suggestions. Thanks.
Comments
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Keep in mind your approach and the least effective one seems to be telling your loved one someone is coming to help care for him.
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Sending you some empathy and positive thoughts. You sound exhausted.
Having an aide come in, even just a couple of mornings a week could be a huge help to you. I've found that my husband responds well to the aide helping him shower and I don't start off those days already flustered or stressed.
I didn't have great results with Visiting Angels (but I'm sure every location is different). It took a few tries, but we have a very reliable, patient, and experienced aide now (she's retired from 20+ years at a SNF and seems to have a great handle on working with PWDs) and it is a huge relief. Ask to do a meet and greet with your husband's potential caregiver and, once you feel comfortable with him or her, enjoy some time to yourself. It will be good for both of you.
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I would call the Alz hotline if I were you - the toll free # is at the bottom of this page. They are 24/7 and a care counselor can help identify places to call in your area, and send you a list with contact information. I know they helped me identify the Area Agency on Aging contact in our community (I think that was the name) and that led to a state program called Age Options that had some home health aide and respite and volunteer companion care options - at least a few hours a week.
Is your LO a veteran by any chance? They have options for caregiver resources and regular support. If not, (or even if so,) your city or state is also likely to offer some senior services or caregiver support programs regardless of age or disability. What about his insurance? Medicare offered some respite hours annually once he was diagnosed (or maybe after he started in-home hospice care). Worth finding out and the Alz care counselors can help streamline that process for you so you are not making a gazillion phone calls and inquiries. If he might enjoy an Adult Day Care option that has worked for lots of people here too. My DH was resistant to leaving home for a couple of years so we were granted 30 hours a week at ADC but never could get him to go, and then by the time that homebound phase passed, he was too progressed for it to be an option.
Good luck to you. It can make a big difference to have a little boost from Alz hotline or someone else doing the legwork to send a few vetted agencies or resource programs your way. That way, you will have a short list of possibilities with phone numbers that you can follow up on directly. Expect to have to try a couple of people (maybe) before you find the best fit. But having a respite break is so important. Even if you use it to stay home and take a bubble bath or a nap!
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A dear friend shared this today. I just logged on to the site and saw just a bit, but it is about how the person with dementia, the environment and the caregiver impacts everything. How we word things and how we react can set the tone, our expectations may not be theirs. The article was in the Washington Post today.
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Is there a free link to this article? Ty
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I use Home Instead for 2 afternoons a week. I tell DH she’s there to do light housekeeping.
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it’s spendy, but you might be able to hire a geriatric care manager to help you find some help. A care manager helped find a good agency and also a good memory care facility.
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I don’t have an account and it let me read it. Said I had one free article? But you can get on the actual site which explains what they do and how they help. And you don’t have to log into it.
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i love that you say they are there for housekeeping. Great idea. I just was in touch with Alzheimer’ who referred home instead so I’m getting in touch with them. Online it says they do a consultation so I assume they come to the house? May I ask what their hourly rate is. We have long term insurance and hoping it covers this place. Do you think I should request a man? Hubby does not need to be lifted etc. thanks.
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We found a good respite person via Care.com
It's something you have to pay for but you can specify exactly what you need and find a qualified person.
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Sometimes men do better with a man, but it can be easier to find an excuse for a woman to be there. Sometimes when there is another man around men can become competitive. You know your dh best—just a couple of things to think about. :-)
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Hi Katcat, I first started working with Home Instead 2 years ago and my DH was more aware then. When the manager from Home Instead came for the home visit, we told my DH that she was from the insurance company, a free service to do a safety inspection.The manager played along with this. It was enough to answer questions about why she was there. And we made up stories about the caregiver which I use to some extent still.
I have a LTC policy as well. I got a letter saying that Home Instead isn’t one of their usual companies but that they gave me an exception. Huh? How can they not accept a large national company? Every LTC company is different. The way DH’s policy is written, they cover $x per day. So it may not cover the number of hours you’re using but… I’m in southern AZ and the rates are generally between $30 and $38 per hour. It varies depending on minimum number of hours, etc.Before Home Instead came to the house, I talked with 3 different home care agencies at the local bagel company.
I choose to have a woman because it works better with the whole light housekeeping story. Think about what cover story will work for your DH.As their disease progresses, the story doesn’t have to hang together as tightly.
I choose to use an agency instead of Care.com because I like that the agency handles payroll, payroll taxes, workman’s comp, training for staff and covering a shift if your regular person calls in sick. I have been lucky that the person I have always shows up right on time and has only called in sick once. Others have not been so lucky.
Good luck!
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Preliminary consultation probably by phone but may come to home. Be prepared to give payment info and medical info, may require a form from doctor. Have you used your long term care insurance before? For in home care? Read your policy and check with the long term care insurance company before calling home care company. As far as I know insurance companies do not limit you to certain home care companies but they may require something similar to a pre-authorization.
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Home instead is $35 an hour but they have a minimum 3 days for 5 hours each day. I really didn’t need that many hours. And LT covers some of this but I have to pay out of pocket first 60 days. Ugh! Eldercare forget it. $40 per hour. I’m going to see what I can do and see if I can find any other agencies. They also do an evaluation at the house. Oh hubby will not like that. But thanks so much for taking the time to respond. Have a blessed day!
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Your County may have DayCare. Many do. The VA referred me to Assisting Hands. Not sure of their hourly rate because the VA paid for it, but they do have locations across the country. My DH did not want anyone to come but I explained I couldn't leave him alone and I needed to go to a doctor's appt, etc. After the first visit, he asked me often was "his lady" coming today. All she did was sit and listen to him. He loved it. He did say she was eating our food. (she brought her lunch and heated it in the microwave.). She stayed 4-5 hours, one day per week.
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I can’t speak to the cost, but our family had a caregiver for several hours 1 day/week who took our PWD to get his hair cut, to see relatives, etc. She listened to his reminiscences, was very kind and compassionate, & gave my mom a break. He was still able to function with supervision in the community at this point. My mom presented it to him as someone helping her because she needed an afternoon to pay bills, etc.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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