Move Mom in With or Without Her Furniture

Liisaann27

Hello, my Mom recently moved in with me. She seems to be adjusting but she mentions some of her things such as her leather couch, a desk etc. I could make room for the couch, but it might be crowded. I’ve been back and forth on whether to have it brought here, a 16 hour drive away. Sometimes I think it would really help her be settled and other times I think it would matter. Soon all her things will need to be dealt with at her previous home. I ask myself how much would it help to bring some things? Would it really make a difference?

harshedbuzz

@Liisaann27

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

This is a great question for which there is no easy answer. When my dad was finally diagnosed (my parents fought me on this nearly a decade), it become necessary for them to sell them to sell their homes and move near me. Dad had progressed enough that we were able to make all the decisions around this and had to use fiblets to soften the blow of doing something he did not want to do.

We told dad that he needed to stay in the area while his doctors figured out what was "going on with your health". I avoided telling him his houses were for sale or that he'd been moved permanently or even that he had dementia— just you're staying here for a while some you can get the best available medical care.

Mom made the rookie mistake of telling him the truth and paid dearly in the moment which made things much more difficult until such time as he forgot. Because they had an empty apartment, I did move somethings into it from their closer home. We even had the walls painted familiar colors to their house in FL but it was probably a waste of money TBH.

Later, when I had completely emptied that house and moved them into a new home, I did put some stuff into storage for a bit and could show him pictures to prove I hadn't gotten rid of it. I do know that when I settled (turn-key furnished sale) on the FL property, I shipped a PODS with some personal items and he carried on like it was Christmas morning as it was being emptied. He was very happy to see his stuff for a time.

Likewise, when my friend moved my mom in with her, she sold both homes and built a huge new one with a 3- room in-law suite on the first floor that consisted of a LR, DR (table for puzzles/breakfront for knickknacks) and ensuite BA/BR. My friend put mom's LR furniture, dining room set, and bedroom set in these spaces which worked out beautifully for them. Earlier in the disease mom was mostly in the kitchen/family room area but could invite people into her space if she wanted. When mom became very frail, mom's space kept the rest of the house from feeling too much like a nursing home for one. If you can swing it and intend to keep mom with you for the duration, this could be an option.

That said, when we moved dad into MC in the later stages, we had the option of bring in his own furniture or using their stuff which was quite like a college dorm in style. Having seen my aunt's beautiful things utterly trashed in a MCF and in sticking to our fiblet of him being "in rehab to get stronger" we didn't want the space to be too homey. Over time we brought in a couple of pictures and a cozy throw but that was it. A few folks in his hall had their entire rooms filled with stuff— recliners, tables, curio cabinets, etc. Everything that comes in, eventually has to be moved out and in retrospect it was easier to toss 2 small boxes into my truck under those circumstances rather than rent a U-Haul.

HB

MN Chickadee

Familiar furnishings seemed to make no difference for my mother when we moved her to memory care. She found other things to fixate on. And you can't move a whole house into her room, meaning some stuff will be left behind and she'll be asking for those next. You might try kicking that can down the road some more with fiblets. Yes I will move your stuff here when things settle down at work, or after I get some car maintenance done, or when a truck is available to rent etc. Rise and repeat. The transition will take as long as it takes, likely regardless of if you move her couch in.

mommyandme (m&m)

We moved mom into a house directly behind mine so I could be her 24/7 caregiver. When doing so we essentially moved her complete three bedroom home of 60 yrs from AZ to this new three bedroom in CO. We thought it might help with the adjustment, which the living room and bedroom items may have but she never ventured into any other rooms, not even the kitchen. We brought waaaayyy too much but some of it helped, I think? Yet it complicated so much. Not sure what stage your mom is, mine was late stage 5. My mom did not have the cognitive ability to ask for any of her things. She didn’t even ask for anything during the week we waited for the moving truck in the nearly empty house.
Like already said, probably with time she won’t miss anything. If you can put it off it’ll be a lot more simple. I’m still dealing with so many of the “things”, such a pain.