When to make the next move

MarDel0917

Hi there. I am caring for my bf who is 44 with eosa. We just recieved the diagnosis last October. Things have been fine except as of the last month or so there is a "him / he" (imaginary person) that goes into his room (where he keeps his clothes and shoes) that messes with them. We have him on Zyprexa (onlazapine) and have a referral in to see a geriatric psychiatrist. Another thing that has been happening just this week is he wakes up confused and needs help going to the bathroom. He had a huge accident I had to clean up earlier in the week. This morning I was trying to help him, he just kept telling me to "shut up and let me do it". At one point he did use the f-bomb which is not like him. (Yes I know it's his brain). I eventually just let him do his thing in the bathroom. And all was well. He did come and lay back down with me in bed and slept then he woke up in a cuddly mood saying he loves me and mooshy stuff. Then we get up from bed and he goes in his room and is angry at "him". My question is at what point do I consider the next step? I dont know what that next step is ...

1. Wait for in home support? He was given 19 hours per week.
2. Adult foster home that takes people with AD?
3. I can't even consider or could I live with myself and put him in a MC unit. He is 44!!!
4. Wait for geriatric psychiatrist to help with said behaviors?

I am not one to just give up and leave him cause after he is awake and stuff he is more cognitive and functional. I want a life with him for as long as I can have him.

We are all in this together 💜

Marta

The next step depends on what your goals are:

The incontinence is likely to get worse. What stage is your bf? Take a look at the Tam Cummings staging tool. Your next step here would be incontinence wear. Is he receiving Aricept or Namenda, which can help with maximizing ability to manage ADL’s?

The “people messing with my stuff” is a delusion (fixed false belief). It doesn’t require ‘treatment,” unless it is distressing for him, or leads to agitation. In that case, increasing the Zyprexa would likely help.

How wonderful that bf is eligible for in-home care, primarily because it will free you up to take care of yourself. I cannot emphasize enough how important this will be for the long haul.

Beyond that, come back here and read as many threads as you can so you know what to expect and learn some caregiving do’s and don’ts.

Legal aspects need to be addressed soonest. Who holds POA for your bf? Think long and hard about taking on that responsibility if he hasn’t yet appointed someone. Does he have family? Significant others often do not fare well if family has financial POA, (power of the purse), but you are providing most of the care. Are you financially able to be independent? It’s been reported on these boards that SO’s have been pushed aside if family holds POA, especially when inheritance enters the picture.

This is just for starters. I would prioritize the legal stuff and see if you can wait it out for the psych doctor and/or call the provider who prescribes the Zyprexa to let them know about these changes and see if the Zyprexa dosage can be increased.

M1

Don't let his age deter you from memory care if he needs it. Unusual, yes, but his whole situation is unusual. I understand completely your reluctance but to not consider it is unrealistic.

Iris L.

He probably no longer recognizes his own reflection in the mirror and thinks it is another person. Cover all mirrors and reflective surfaces. Limit or avoid tv, he may think the images are real people.

Iris