Doesn't know me anymore

Kay Cee

Hello, I'm new to this forum. My husband & my Mom both have dementia. My hubby is in a long-term care facility now. We've been on this journey for 10 years. He's been in care for 2. He doesn't know me anymore. I knew this day would come. He thinks I'm the nice lady that comes to visit him. We've been married 34 years. I held my emotions together in front of him but when I got out to my car I balled my eyes out. This is so hard, a journey I don't wish on my worst enemy. You think you're prepared for this day, but believe me you are not. He's deteriorating at a faster rate
now. My Mom is in assisted living with dementia also. I'm sure she'll be moved to long term care in the near future. I'm exhausted, beyond exhausted. Thanks for allowing me to vent. Hugs to u all from Canada

M1

welcome Kay Cee. Yes it’s a terrible blow when they don’t know you. Amazing how a life together can evaporate like that.

Hang in there, you have come to a good place for advice and support.

trottingalong

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69368/doesnt-know-me-anymore

I’m not there yet and I’m sure I won’t handle it well. This is a good place to be, hang in there.

ButterflyWings

(((@Kay Cee))) Hugs to you. I remember that day like it was yesterday, though it has been years. My DH still has moments of recognition now, off and on throughout the day. I'm thankful for that even though he couldn't tell you my name if his life depended on it.

But just yesterday morning he looked over at me and instead of a chuckle or saying "Hi", he said "Who are you?". I got that same sick feeling in the pit of my stomach though not as devastating as the first time.

I'm so sorry for your pain. This disease really is the worst. We are here for you.

fmb

Kay Cee, you are not alone. I am in a similar situation. My DH has Stage 7 ALZ and has been in a local AL facility and on hospice for the past six months. I took care of him for many years prior to that, not even knowing that he had dementia (doctors just said it was aging - he is 92). Just in the past couple of weeks, DH no longer knows who I am, and on the rare day that he knows I'm his wife, he thinks I'm his late wife who died 25 years ago. We've been together 21 years (married 14). I saw it coming, but it is still hard to process. I see him nearly every day, especially now that he has to be hand fed.

My mother is 1000 miles away in MC, also with Stage 7 ALZ. I haven't seen her since 2003, though we used to talk on the phone nightly up until mid-December when she fell off the ALZ cliff and had to be transferred from AL to MC. She somewhat remembers me and will talk to me on the rare occasions when her hospice nurse facilitates a phone call.

The grief and exhaustion that we experience are almost unimaginable. Please do continue to come here. As M1 said, this is a good place for advice and support - and yes, to vent, rage, and cry. ((Hugs)) from Pennsylvania.

Arrowhead

My wife forgot we were married about 18 months after she was diagnosed. She would often go to bed and lock me out of the room. That was 6 1/2 years ago. Now she's in memory care. She's usually glad to see me and will always let me hug her and usually lets me kiss her. There must be some type of recognition there, but I don't know what as she can no longer communicate. All we can do is try to make the best of what is left.

LJCHR

I’m waiting for that day and it will probably come sooner than later. My DH googles an old girlfriend from the 1960’s several times a day every day. She died several years ago. It’s hurtful a little to the heart, but mostly because this is where he is in this wretched disease. How sorry I am for all of us - thank goodness for this forum.

RickM

I'm in the same situation. DW just turned 70, stage 7, hospice since October 23, MC since May 23. No longer talks, smiles, rarely eats, but can suck down an Ensure as fast as you can put the straw in. I think she still knows who I am. "I'm the guy who comes to see you nearly every day and plays the music videos for you."

I still get kisses from her so that's a good sign. I'm sorry for all of us too. It's a tough road and you never know how long it will last.

sandwichone123

My dh still knows my name…but he applies it to everyone. So <my name> was over there and then they something vague so I have no idea what happened anyway, but it was either me or that's the label he has.

CherylKayM

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69368/doesnt-know-me-anymore

Hello everyone. I'm new here and found this post. My Mom has been with this ugly disease for about 7 years now. I completely understand your feelings about knowing the day would come but not having a clue about how hard it would hit. I'm sorry you are going through this and hopefully this forum can help you, me and the many others. My Mom told me a few days ago that she didn't know she was my Mom. Her brother, my Uncle, had to convince her after she told him this person named Cheryl keeps calling me and referring to me as Mom. I'm 62. She has no memory of me ever being her daughter. Had a great and lengthy conversation with the AlzAssoc support line today and they were great. She's been asking questions, I've been trying to fill in the blanks but it only makes her more confused and upset. I feel like this is a good place for me to be to ask for advice. My prayers are with you and all those that are suffering from this disease. Looking forward to some conversations, thank you.

trottingalong

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/211850#Comment_211850

there are wonderful people here with good advice. Welcome.