Getting so disappointed with myself

annie51

Every morning I try to tell myself that this will be the day I have the patience and positivity I need to get through the repeated questions, the intense shadowing, the snapping at me for no good reason. And most every day, I disappoint myself. With my DH in probably late Stage 5, I should know better than to argue or snap back, but sometimes I just can't. Sometimes I just burst into tears and he has no idea why, and then I feel worse! I keep trying to tell myself it's not his fault that he blames me for everything, that he doesn't understand most words anymore, and that he really does not remember the answer I gave him 30 seconds ago. Just need to vent…and keep trying.

jfkoc

I needed to look at just how the days went. Was I continuing as if it were 5 years ago? The answer was yes.

I had to stop and plan/live the day within my husband's reality. This meant changing almost everything. I had to reduce the number of things I did and simplify what was left. I had to be ready to include my husband in almost everything I was doing.

It was really hard but looking back, that time spent together was some of the most important time in all the years of our marriage.

wose

annie51…First, try not to be so hard on yourself. I am in fact where you are on most days. It’s so darn hard because we are the closest to them. It’s so hard to wrap your head around the fact that your world and their world is now so different. I’m still trying to realize that we need to meet them where they are and not where we are. The insults/blame feel so personal, I know but they are not. I too cry a lot, but then he says “stop your boo hooing” and I’m right back where I started. I am able to isolate myself, so that helps. I cook a lot and clean both to wear myself out plus he doesn’t want involved in those things. I have piles of journals I write in and that helps. We still do a lot of things together, but things do go south rather quickly these days. I’m constantly regrouping and switching to plan B or even C. I’m still determined to do as many things as possible but with little expectations. I’m so sorry, please keep reassuring yourself that you are doing the best you can.💜