Anger from loosing driver’s license

dixon1710

This is my first post. I care for my mom and dad who have dementia. They are not advanced but in the mild/medium stages. They have different dementias. My dad has three different areas affected including the front part of his brain. This controls his reasoning, understanding, etc. The doctors have had his driver’s license taken away. He reacted with deep anger, ran away from home twice, insisted he was still driving and took his truck. We didn’t know where his truck keys were. He refused to go back to the doctor and didn’t want any meds from the neurologist. I make up his pill box for the week so I put the meds in and he didn’t notice. They helped with the anger somewhat but dad was persistent he was getting his license back. He took a driving test with OT and failed. He called the dmv and scheduled an appointment with them. He passed the actual driving test and they sent his paperwork to the medical department. Of course, none of the doctors would sign off so he still doesn’t have his license. I had a trusted doctor speak with him and dad seemed to have accepted it for a week or so. Now he’s back to wanting to fight for his license again. He called and requested his medical records because he is going to another doctor (outside of our area) so he can see if he has a case to fight with a lawyer to get his license back. This has been 5 months of hell. His depression, anger and anxiety disrupts the whole house. The doctors are increasing his meds but I don’t see an end to this. Does anyone have any suggestions, advice or help? Has anyone else dealt with this?

M1

Welcome to the forum, and yes, this is an extremely common obsession. Seems to be especially so for a lot of men.

Does he really have the ability to get himself to another doctor, or is this just talk? You can always call that doctor's office ahead of time and forewarn them. Does anyone hold his power of attorney? If not, you should address this-or need for guardianship if he won't agree- with a certified elder law attorney ASAP. Look at nelf.org for lists by location.

II would also be very frank with his docs about the anger and keep escalating the medications until this is tamped down. He may well need an atypical antipsychotic like Seroquel or Risperdal if one hasn't already been started.

keep us posted, im sorry you are going through this, but safety first.

dixon1710

Thank you for your advice. To keep the peace, I will have to take him to the doctor’s. We’ve had enough experience with him to know this will get very elevated if not. Another doctor is not going to allow him to have a driver’s license after seeing his medical records. No one else has his power of attorney at this time. He would not sign anything right now. He already feels he lost his independence. He’s not gonna give more away. I’m hoping the increased medicine will help and we can approach this eventually. If he won’t in a timely fashion, I will have to look into a lawyer. The doctor already has him on Seroquel. That’s what he just increased. Crossing my fingers it helps.
Thank you very much for understanding, suggestions and advice. I may need that website for a lawyer.

H1235

Welcome. If you need to drive him to the appointment could you be too busy, something came up last minute etc. I would not take him to meet with a lawyer to fight this! The unnecessary expense being the biggest reason. Make up whatever excuse will he might buy. Are you and your mom safe? Do you have a plan if that becomes an issue? I’m not a doctor, but I believe seroquel can take a week or two to take full effect. I wouldn’t think he is going to get an appointment with a new doctor within two weeks. If you just can’t get out of this new doctor appointment, I would suggest writing a detailed note to the doctor with examples. Drop it off at the doctors office a few days before the appointment. Maybe this new doctor might up the seroquel if that has not started working yet (you could ask about this in the note).

My mom was angry about everything. I tried to avoid any discussion that might set her off. She became so mad at me she would barely speak with me and when she did she was throwing out the f bomb( never heard her talk like that). But I still had to do what was best for her no matter how angry she got. I finally was getting to a point of accepting the anger was part of our relationship. Then the doctor prescribed a new medication and she is doing much much better. Don’t give up. If seroquel doesn’t work there are other options.

Are you parents still living alone? If so I think this might be another big problem.

michflo34

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69383/anger-from-loosing-driver-s-license

michflo34

Bonjour !je suis Français et vis en France !

quand on est déclaré malade Alzheimer (démence) depuis mars 2023 une loi Française interdit de conduire.

L'association France Alzheimer à fait un recours au conseil d'état Français, le recours à été rejeté ! c'est anormal et illogique, car certaines personnes très âgées (85 ans et 90 ans) conduisent alors qu'il ne voient pas bien et d'autres maladies !c'est ça la France ! personnellement je le vis très mal car j'ai 77 ans et suis tout à fait capable puisque je conduis un peu "à mes risques et périls" ! merci et courage à vous aussi ! Michel

concerned_sister

Michel,

I used the translate function for the first time, as your post made me curious. You state you drive at your own risk. I don't get that concept. My outlook, is when we are out on the road we are responsible for our own safety and the others around us. I would look at someone who is clearly impaired, such as by alcohol, attemting to drive not as merely driving at their own risk, but presenting a risk to others.

dixon1710

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/211017#Comment_211017

Hello! Thank you for your response. My husband and I live with my parents. 5 years ago, we sold our home and put an addition on their home to help them out. We are safe at this time. He is not violent. His doctor said don’t try to reason with him. Right now, we have to wait for his medical records to come in the mail and then make an appointment at a new doctor’s office. That gives us a little time for the additional medication to work. I don’t mind taking him to another doctor and will make sure they are aware of his situation. I draw the line on a lawyer. He’s going to have to accept the new doctor’s recommendation. Once the doctor sees the results of his mri, he will not allow him to drive.
I messaged his neurologist and he recommended caregiver therapy with a colleague of his. I am going to set up appointments with her. Hopefully it will help me learn how to deal with him.
My mom also has dementia but in different areas of her brain and she is in early/moderate stages. Dad is further along. I can reason with mom and make her understand. It’s not possible with dad.
We have discussed staying safe with the doctors. Dad is a hunter but we removed all guns and ammunition. I keep in close touch with his doctors. He’s been on seroquel for a while. The doctor just upped the amount yesterday. Crossing my fingers it helps.
I’m very sorry you are also dealing with dementia with your mom. I am glad her medication is helping. Hopefully it will continue to make things easier for both of you. I am aware there are other meds. We will have to try another one if this one doesn’t do it.
Thank you again. Take care.

dixon1710

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/211058#Comment_211058

Hello!
I’d like to read your message but I do not know how to find a way to translate it to English.
Thank you

dixon1710

I don’t know how to translate this to English so I’m not sure what the message is. The doctor took the time to show us and explain dad’s mri, the results from his driving test at OT and told us he is at risk for harming himself or others if he is driving. He has seen about five doctors within the neuroscience center. They all agree. The doctors also all got together to discuss Dad’s case. So I am agreeable he should not be driving. Every case is an individual case. In my dad’s case, he can not drive. You and I are in agreement it’s not worth taking a chance of someone getting hurt or worse as heartbroken I am for him. Thank you!

michflo34

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/211108#Comment_211108

Hello! I am French and live in France!

when you are declared sick with Alzheimer's (dementia) since March 2023 a French law prohibits you from driving.

The France Alzheimer association appealed to the French state council, the appeal was rejected! It's abnormal and illogical, because some very old people (85 and 90 years old) drive when they can't see well and have other illnesses! That's France! Personally I have a very hard time with it because I am 77 years old and quite capable since I drive somewhat “at my own risk”! thank you and courage to you too! Michael

michflo34

Hello! I am French and live in France!

when you are declared sick with Alzheimer's (dementia) since March 2023 a French law prohibits you from driving.

The France Alzheimer association appealed to the French state council, the appeal was rejected! It's abnormal and illogical, because some very old people (85 and 90 years old) drive when they can't see well and have other illnesses! That's France! Personally I have a very hard time with it because I am 77 years old and quite capable since I drive somewhat “at my own risk”! thank you and courage to you too! Michael

michflo34

Good morning ! on GOOGLE there is a translator; which translates “twenty languages” minimum; so English/French or French/English is great!
Kind regards; Michael

Bonjour ! sur GOOGLE il y a un traducteur; qui traduit "vingt langues" minimum; donc Anglais/Fraçais ou Français/Anglais s'est super !
Amicalement ; Michel

Annie2024

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69383/anger-from-loosing-driver-s-license

I will be dealing with this very soon. The doctor has sent paperwork to the DMV. They have not sent him anything yet. He gets irate just because I want to finish my first cup of coffee before I prepare a 4 coarse breakfast. I know the driver's license revocation will be abusive. Let us know how you proceed and just know some of us totally understand.

M1

Hi Annie, welcome to the forum. At least you can be sympathetic and blame the doctors and the DMV. But it's the right decision, one of the toughest. Disable the car if you have to, disconnect the battery, hide the keys, take the batteries out of the fobs. Other people's!es safety and your own is at stake, as well as your financial well-being. You can and probably should also notify your insurance company.