Anticipatory Grief resources

SusanEL

Does anyone have any idea on where I can get help with this? I will soon be in a Grief support group due to my mom passing. But the grief of seeing the changes in my husband has been so difficult. As I see each new thing, he cannot do it hurts. He knows I am an important person to him, but I am not totally sure he knows who I am. We have been together 53 years.

SDianeL

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69473/anticipatory-grief-resources

I’m going through the same thing. I will be following your post. The facility my DH is in has a support group and I will find out when they meet. I have been recovering from surgery and haven’t been able to visit him. Sending hugs to you. I know how you feel.

fmb

Anticipatory grief and its cousin, ambiguous loss are common among dementia caregivers. Anticipatory grief is mourning the pending death of a loved one before it occurs. Ambiguous loss can be about any unresolved loss. Ambiguous loss in dementia caregiving involves all the losses that caregivers experience as their loved one deteriorates. They are physically here but not mentally or emotionally present as they were before. Dreams of the future are lost, roles and relationships change, and very real grief is felt each step of the way. For me, it feels like I'm a widow/not widow, grieving deeply but not entitled to the societal supports given to the grieving because DH is not physically dead yet. Neither ambiguous loss nor anticipatory grief are commonly acknowledged in traditional grief counseling or grief support groups. The only places I have found people who understand are the in-person support group run by our hospice organization (do not have to be enrolled in hospice to participate) and this forum.

Pauline Boss (who coined the term ambiguous loss) wrote an excellent book, "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia; How to Find Hope While Coping with Stress and Grief" (2011). It is available on Amazon among other places. This book helped me a lot in dealing with the grief I feel as DH slips further and further into ALZ (now Stage 7).

@SusanEL and @SDianeL (((Hugs))) to you both. We WILL get through this and come out stronger on the other side.

marier

Yes! That book has helped deal with my grief as my husband further flips into stage 7.

midge333

That book really helped me understand what I was feeling.

LJCHR

yes, I read that book and just lent it to a man whose wife has dementia.