Dementia

samron

My wife was diagnosed in Feb of this year and she has asked why she has that problem, I have told her why but she denies she has dementia. It has been hard to but I have gotten better which consists of listening and being patient. Things have changed. Is there any suggestion?

Quilting brings calm

Most of us recommend not using the dementia or Alzheimer’s terminology with them. They either don’t believe it or they get angry or upset. So we fib and refer to ‘memory issues’ that happen as a person gets older. Then we take over the chores and duties they can no longer safely or correctly do. We also do our best to get the legal and financial paperwork taken care of- Durable power of attorney, medical power of attorney, wills, bank accounts etc.

SDianeL

Read the book "The 36 Hour Day" it really helped me early on. It was recommended by a nurse. Explains the disease and tips on how to communicate. I told my DH that he had a problem with his brain. I never said Dementia or Alzheimer's. When he asked about things I said "his brain doctor said so" and he accepted it. He was diagnosed in 2021 and is now in Memory Care.

Jeanne C.

I'm sorry you and your wife are dealing with this. You've found a great place for advice, venting, and just feeling like you're not alone in this. Many people with dementia are not able to see their symptoms- it's called anosognosia and it's part of the disease. It's great that you're learning to be patient with her. Honestly, that was the hardest part for me, but we all get better at it as we go. I echo QBC's suggestion that you get all your legal and financial ducks in a row sooner than later.

We've been collecting useful information in a New Caregivers Group to make it a little easier to find. Sending you all the best.

https://alzconnected.org/group/32-new-caregiver-help

trottingalong

Like the others stated, never use the word dementia. My DH recognizes things aren’t right, but to him he does not have dementia, he just has “memory issues.” When he cannot comprehend something, I will explain that sometimes as we age, our brains don’t function like they use to. Then I tell him I will always be there to help if he needs me, because two brains are always better than one. Invariably I get a smile out of him.

sandwichone123

I am one of those that tried to not lie to my spouse. But I also did not want to hurt him, so if he asked why this was happening, I would say honestly enough, "I don't know." I read research. As far as I know, no one knows why my spouse has Alzheimer's—or why any of our loved ones do, so it's an honest answer.

One of the techniques that often works is to address the emotion rather than the facts of the question, that is to say, "it's scary, isn't it?" rather than trying to answer the direct question they've asked.

When my spouse was first diagnosed, he was aware of the diagnosis, but that stage did not last long, and now I would work to avoid saying the words Alzheimer's or dementia because there's no benefit—just pain.

samron

I would like to thank everyone who answered my post and thank you for your very helpful advice. It is a journey I never would have expected would happen, thanks agin