Have any questions about how to use the community? Check out the Help Discussion.

Two days in the life ...

psg712
psg712 Member Posts: 384
100 Care Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Insightfuls Reactions
Member

My son and I went to visit my mom in her MC on Saturday. She smiled when she saw me but really lit up when she saw "the boy" (she doesn't remember his name). She reached out and gave him a big hug, something uncharacteristic of her these last few years. We played a simple color matching game (he played on her "team" for her), then we followed some residents outdoors onto the back patio where staff were handing out freeze pops, the kind you push up out of a plastic sleeve. She had some trouble figuring out how to eat it but watched my son, who also had been given a freeze pop, and tried to copy his actions. It was a sweet visit.

Two days later … today, I stopped in to see Mom after work. Everyone was seated in the common area, waiting for dinner to be served. I pulled up a chair next to her and gently tapped her arm to get her attention. She looked at me with irritation and said "oh! Good thing you are here " in a sarcastic tone. Her nerves seemed frayed and she commented negatively about several staff and residents as they passed us. When the meal was served, she looked at it and did not pick up a utensil. I had to hand her a spoon for her soup and then a fork, which she used to push the meat sauce off her pasta (yes, she normally eats meat) and almost off her plate. She munched slowly and in silence. I sat with her throughout the meal and for a while afterward. Made a few attempts at conversation with little response from her. When I told her I needed to leave but would see her again soon, she said " Aww" again in a sarcastic tone and sat stiff as a board when I put my arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead.

I know there is nothing unusual about such a contrast in behavior from one day to another. Just thought putting it down here would help me process it. Thanks for "listening"! I know many here have experienced similar encounters, some much more dramatic than mine.

Comments

  • M1
    M1 Member Posts: 6,788
    1,500 Care Reactions 1,500 Likes 5000 Comments 1,000 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Time of day matters a lot. I wonder if she wasn't sundowning at that second visit?

  • harshedbuzz
    harshedbuzz Member Posts: 4,479
    Seventh Anniversary 1,000 Likes 2500 Comments 500 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    It's probably a function of the time of day you came as M1 suggested.

    Another thought that comes to mind is the concept of showtiming. Well into the later stages of the disease my dad, who was not a pleasant individual, could present himself to doctors, MCF staff and random people as absolutely charming for short periods of time. If mom didn't recognize "the boy", she may have been on her best behavior.

    My dad was hazy on who, exactly, my son was. When DS came with me to visit my parents, dad tended to be better behaved than usual. I won't lie, I suspect my DS (25 and a big guy) intimidated him a little.

    HB

  • psg712
    psg712 Member Posts: 384
    100 Care Reactions 100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Insightfuls Reactions
    Member

    Thanks, I think you are right about the sundowning. She is not as good at showtiming as she used to be, but once in a while she surprises us!

    The long time friends who helped us so much when she was living alone far from me are coming for a visit next month. I'll be interested to see how she does with them. It's been a year since they've seen each other and she is so different post- covid and the move to MC. Bracing myself for their reactions, solutions, desire to arrange her schedule and environment...they are very loving toward her but also a bit intense in their need to be involved. Deep breath ....

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more