Should I or shouldn’t I?

rplourde50

Should I involve my DW, early-mid stage, in planning for later stage care? Thinking about things like bringing in a hospital style bed and sit down shower, other changes to make the home safer. On one hand she will object, now, for aesthetic reasons, on the other hand I feel it might not be good to “spring” such things on her when she’s more advanced stage and confused. Any experiences or thoughts to share?

charley0419

I’d wait as I know my wife at this stage would flip out as she suffers with anosognosia

rplourde50

Had to look that one up but thanks for the advice. Mine doesn’t have that but she’s much into aesthetics.

harshedbuzz

@rplourde50

The only adaptation I would introduce earlier rather than later for the purpose of getting her acclimated would be a bidet/washlet. As you become more hands-on in toileting, this will be useful and isn't always accepted if brought in later in the game.

I would do grab bars now because everybody can benefit from grab bars.

I would not do a built-in seat shower. What you need is a shower that's large enough to join her with a hand-held sprayer and the ability to walk 360 degrees around. IME, many integrated seats are very slippery; a standard shower chair would be safer. Dad's MCF use a commode chair with the bowl removed to access the undercarriage. Zero entry to allow a wheelchair is useful; a wet room set-up is ideal if you can swing it.

Typically, a hospital bed is brought in when hospice services are started and provided by them. They aren't really necessary until you're doing baths and incontinence care in bed to save your back. Some people never "need" one.

That said, given anosognosia, it's generally best to make changes without really discussing it and certainly not saying it's because they have dementia. You could tell her they're upgrades to increase the home's value, something for when you both get older, or even something you need to be safe.

HB

harshedbuzz

@rplourde50

The only adaptation I would introduce earlier rather than later for the purpose of getting her acclimated would be a bidet/washlet. As you become more hands-on in toileting, this will be useful and isn't always accepted if brought in later in the game.

I would do grab bars now because everybody can benefit from grab bars.

I would not do a built-in seat shower. What you need is a shower that's large enough to join her with a hand-held sprayer and the ability to walk 360 degrees around. IME, many integrated seats are very slippery; a standard shower chair would be safer. Dad's MCF use a commode chair with the bowl removed to access the undercarriage. Zero entry to allow a wheelchair is useful; a wet room set-up is ideal if you can swing it.

Typically, a hospital bed is brought in when hospice services are started and provided by them. They aren't really necessary until you're doing baths and incontinence care in bed to save your back. Some people never "need" one.

That said, given anosognosia, it's generally best to make changes without really discussing it and certainly not saying it's because they have dementia. You could tell her they're upgrades to increase the home's value, something for when you both get older, or even something you need to be safe.

HB

harshedbuzz

@rplourde50

The only adaptation I would introduce earlier rather than later for the purpose of getting her acclimated would be a bidet/washlet. As you become more hands-on in toileting, this will be useful and isn't always accepted if brought in later in the game.

I would do grab bars now because everybody can benefit from grab bars.

I would not do a built-in seat shower. What you need is a shower that's large enough to join her with a hand-held sprayer and the ability to walk 360 degrees around. IME, many integrated seats are very slippery; a standard shower chair would be safer. Dad's MCF use a commode chair with the bowl removed to access the undercarriage. Zero entry to allow a wheelchair is useful; a wet room set-up is ideal if you can swing it.

Typically, a hospital bed is brought in when hospice services are started and provided by them. They aren't really necessary until you're doing baths and incontinence care in bed to save your back. Some people never "need" one.

That said, given anosognosia, it's generally best to make changes without really discussing it and certainly not saying it's because they have dementia. You could tell her they're upgrades to increase the home's value, something for when you both get older, or even something you need to be safe.

HB

harshedbuzz

@rplourde50

The only adaptation I would introduce earlier rather than later for the purpose of getting her acclimated would be a bidet/washlet. As you become more hands-on in toileting, this will be useful and isn't always accepted if brought in later in the game.

I would do grab bars now because everybody can benefit from grab bars.

I would not do a built-in seat shower. What you need is a shower that's large enough to join her with a hand-held sprayer and the ability to walk 360 degrees around. IME, many integrated seats are very slippery; a standard shower chair would be safer. Dad's MCF use a commode chair with the bowl removed to access the undercarriage. Zero entry to allow a wheelchair is useful; a wet room set-up is ideal if you can swing it.

Typically, a hospital bed is brought in when hospice services are started and provided by them. They aren't really necessary until you're doing baths and incontinence care in bed to save your back. Some people never "need" one.

That said, given anosognosia, it's generally best to make changes without really discussing it and certainly not saying it's because they have dementia. You could tell her they're upgrades to increase the home's value, something for when you both get older, or even something you need to be safe.

HB

harshedbuzz

@rplourde50

The only adaptation I would introduce earlier rather than later for the purpose of getting her acclimated would be a bidet/washlet. As you become more hands-on in toileting, this will be useful and isn't always accepted if brought in later in the game.

I would do grab bars now because everybody can benefit from grab bars.

I would not do a built-in seat shower. What you need is a shower that's large enough to join her with a hand-held sprayer and the ability to walk 360 degrees around. IME, many integrated seats are very slippery; a standard shower chair would be safer. Dad's MCF use a commode chair with the bowl removed to access the undercarriage. Zero entry to allow a wheelchair is useful; a wet room set-up is ideal if you can swing it.

Typically, a hospital bed is brought in when hospice services are started and provided by them. They aren't really necessary until you're doing baths and incontinence care in bed to save your back. Some people never "need" one.

That said, given anosognosia, it's generally best to make changes without really discussing it and certainly not saying it's because they have dementia. You could tell her they're upgrades to increase the home's value, something for when you both get older, or even something you need to be safe.

HB

rplourde50

Thank you. Valuable insights!

harshedbuzz

@rplourde50

The only adaptation I would introduce earlier rather than later for the purpose of getting her acclimated would be a bidet/washlet. As you become more hands-on in toileting, this will be useful and isn't always accepted if brought in later in the game.

I would do grab bars now because everybody can benefit from grab bars.

I would not do a built-in seat shower. What you need is a shower that's large enough to join her with a hand-held sprayer and the ability to walk 360 degrees around. IME, many integrated seats are very slippery; a standard shower chair would be safer. Dad's MCF use a commode chair with the bowl removed to access the undercarriage. Zero entry to allow a wheelchair is useful; a wet room set-up is ideal if you can swing it.

Typically, a hospital bed is brought in when hospice services are started and provided by them. They aren't really necessary until you're doing baths and incontinence care in bed to save your back. Some people never "need" one.

That said, given anosognosia, it's generally best to make changes without really discussing it and certainly not saying it's because they have dementia. You could tell her they're upgrades to increase the home's value, something for when you both get older, or even something you need to be safe.

HB

M1

welcome to the forum. I would not involve her in future planning beyond getting your legal ducks in a row. That’s so counterintuitive, because up until now you’ve probably planned everything together. But she likely won’t remember or understand, even in early stages, and it’s likely to be upsetting to her. This is a lonesome road for us spouses, because starting now you are acting as an individual and not a couple any more. It’s the beginning of the long goodbye, and we are obligated to provide them with safe passage to a place we can’t go with them.

Jo C.

You are doing your very best to plan well for your LO and that is very loving and caring. I however, do agree with M1 and HB.

The toilet bidet would be the item to get and get used to now before later days as it may not be used or accepted at that state if it is a new item then.

My LO was very big regarding esthetics, so a hospital bed was not going to be easily accepted, but it had become necessary. What I did was to gussy up the hospital bed - I got pretty, colorful sheets that were extra long - you can find them in different stores - sheets that fit college dorm beds usually fit hospital beds as they are often the same dimensions. I also bought a really pretty quilted bedspread for the top of the bed - anything to make it more acceptable which also brought comfort.

Let us know how it goes, and may it go easily and well.

J.

rplourde50

thank you. Your comments are quite insightful.