Sister lives with me

Skamper707

Hi,

My sister has Alzheimer’s and lives with me now. The past few weeks she has went downhill fast. This is what is going on with her.staying by herself more and more,hiding things,not taking baths,doesn't want to do anything only sit around I try to get her interested in doing things but she when I turn around she’s gone back to the house she’s very sneaky I live on a farm so there’s things to do if she chooses to it’s like she’s in a nursing home already she can and able to do things but refuses she wants me to fix all her meals for her she can fix her own sandwich but wants me to some of this is my sister has always been on the lazy side I’m at my breaking point Thanks for listening to my story

harshedbuzz

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

It sounds like your sister is exhibiting some classic dementia related behaviors. If you've not read up on the disease and progression, I would suggest something like The 36-Hour Day or this quick, free read.

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Another useful tool would be this handout for understanding where she is in the progression of the disease.

https://tala.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Tam-Cummings-LLC-Handouts.pdf

This will enable you to anticipate what behaviors you'll be seeing in the coming months/years and prepare strategies to cope with them.

Some thoughts-

When a person seems to develop new symptoms and behavior seemingly overnight, it can sometimes be because of a symptomless UTI. You may find testing and treatment returns her to a former baseline. That said, sometimes vascular dementia progresses in a manner akin to a series of considerable changes followed by a plateau where things level off for a time. It's possible to have mixed dementia with features of both ALZ and VD.

Hiding things or hunting/gathering is pretty typical. It's best to secure important things and documents to save your own sanity. Many folks find it useful to close off rooms to safeguard against dangerous objects and limit the chaos a PWD can create. Childproof locks or reversing knobs work.

The resistance to showering is common. It's a multi-step task that can be daunting to a PWD. She might shower if given the support of prompts and assistance. But she might now believing she already did.

Apathy is apparent pretty early on in dementia. A disinterest in former activities is actually listed as a warning sign. Along with apathy, there is an inability to initiate or follow through on tasks. She probably can't start something independently and if you set her up and walk away, she'll quickly lose interest. She's beyond entertaining herself. Even if you stay engaged with her, she's likely to lose interest fairly quickly.

Personality persists well into the disease progression. If she wasn't much of a doer before, she won't be now. That said, your observation about making a sandwich might be skewed by your frustration. Fixing a sandwich is a more complex task than many PWD can manage. She might be able to do this with your scaffolding, but it would probably be simpler to just do it yourself.

Caregiver burnout is a common and reasonable reason to seek placement for a LO with dementia.

HB

Iris L.

Your sister with Alzheimer's Disease can't do anything. This is what happens with Alzheimer's Disease. She needs quite a lot of help for her daily life. It's not that she won't do, but that she can't do. Living in a more simplified environment will be beneficial to her. She is unaware of safety issues and living on a farm presents numerous dangers.

Iris

M1

welcome to the forum. We live on a farm too, and I had to move my partner to memory care two years ago because I couldn’t keep her safe. You’ve come to a good place for advice and support, I second the reading suggestions that harshedbuzz made.

Skamper707

thanks to everyone for your input. I did read the site that was included in your post. I contacted doctor and we both agreed that it was time to place her into a home. So we are in the process of doing this now. Thanks again