Mom has Alzheimer. Suspecting dad starting to as well. Where should I start?

bubblebed

Mom was diagnosed 10 years ago. Dad has been her main caretaker. I took care of them from doctor appointments to their finances. Lately, my dad has been accusing me of stealing from him from an old jacket that I gave him years ago to money and gold which I don't have access to. My mom onset was way different, she just forgets everything. Spoke to a lot of people about my dad and everyone is pinpointing Alzheimer. What should I do? Where do I start?

M1

Welcome to the forum, thereis a community here that can provide moral support while you figure it out. Look for the group for new members under Quick Links and Groups to the right of this page, there is a lot of good information there.

Start with brass tacks: legal authority and finances. Do you have powers of attorney for both of them? Yoh will likely need it and if you don't have it, talk to a certified elder law attorney asap (look at nelf.org). Then: what can they afford? They might do well in assisted living or memory care together.

ReRead a lot of threads and keep us posted. There are several here who are dealing with illness in both parents.

mpang123

Hello Bubblebed, my dad has vascular dementia and my mom has Alzheimer's dementia. Dad was just put on hospice care at home. My mom still takes care of my dad although I have to pay attention to her progression. I find taking care of both parents quite overwhelming and I am setting up POA both medical and financial. I worry if I am capable of handling the responsibilities required for both parents. But I just take one day at a time, achieving goals little steps at a time. I have to take care of myself too so I won't get too stressed out. I am new to this. My parents just started showing their dementias since last year January. I'm scared for them as their conditions will get worse in a matter of time. I find this forum has enlightened me about dementia. Lots to learn. Hope you will benefit from participating in this forum. Lots of advice and support from experienced members here. Welcome.

H1235

Welcome. My mil had Alzheimer’s and her symptoms were primarily memory. She was usually agreeable p. My mom has vascular dementia and is much different. It took me too long to even recognize it as dementia. She makes poor decisions, problems with executive functioning, balance, anger and only minor memory issues. She also had no understanding of her limitations (anosognosia). I agree with M1 legal things are a big priority. I would also start looking at AL if that’s a possibility. There can be a waiting list. It’s important to get him diagnosed to rule out anything treatable. You’re probably going to need to keep a much closer eye on them until you find them a place. We used cameras to keep an eye on mom, but if they don’t have internet and your dad is paranoid that might not work. Does your dad have access to credit cards, checks etc. I’ve read about this causing lots of financial problems. You said you are taking them to doctors appointments, but is he doing any driving? This can be a really rough one to deal with. Do you have access to their healthcare portal? I found this very helpful. When you do bring him to the doctor this is also an excellent way to tell the doctor your concerns about your dad. Telling the doctor in front of him that he is accusing you of stealing would be very uncomfortable. You are going to be busy! As obstacles and questions come up keep this group in mind. Whatever you are facing someone here has probably been through something similar.

Quilting brings calm

My parent’s situation was similar to yours. Mom ( diagnosed in 2021, but symptoms started several years earlier) has the typical Alzheimer’s symptoms - memory, confusion, etc. Step-dad symptoms started with paranoia about money. Even when neuropsych diagnosed him with dementia it was hard to be sure because his symptoms were so different than hers.

I second the AL option. It’s very hard to take care of someone with his symptoms. It’s also hard to take care of two people. I found it was hard enough having them in AL and being the contact with the outside world, transporting and attending medical visits, grocery shopping, advocate, handling the finances, visiting etc.

Charlene Carr

> @mpang123 said:
> Hello Bubblebed, my dad has vascular dementia and my mom has Alzheimer's dementia. Dad was just put on hospice care at home. My mom still takes care of my dad although I have to pay attention to her progression. I find taking care of both parents quite overwhelming and I am setting up POA both medical and financial. I worry if I am capable of handling the responsibilities required for both parents. But I just take one day at a time, achieving goals little steps at a time. I have to take care of myself too so I won't get too stressed out. I am new to this. My parents just started showing their dementias since last year January. I'm scared for them as their conditions will get worse in a matter of time. I find this forum has enlightened me about dementia. Lots to learn. Hope you will benefit from participating in this forum. Lots of advice and support from experienced members here. Welcome.

> @mpang123 said:
> Hello Bubblebed, my dad has vascular dementia and my mom has Alzheimer's dementia. Dad was just put on hospice care at home. My mom still takes care of my dad although I have to pay attention to her progression. I find taking care of both parents quite overwhelming and I am setting up POA both medical and financial. I worry if I am capable of handling the responsibilities required for both parents. But I just take one day at a time, achieving goals little steps at a time. I have to take care of myself too so I won't get too stressed out. I am new to this. My parents just started showing their dementias since last year January. I'm scared for them as their conditions will get worse in a matter of time. I find this forum has enlightened me about dementia. Lots to learn. Hope you will benefit from participating in this forum. Lots of advice and support from experienced members here. Welcome.

Hello,
I’m new to the forum 😊 My husband and I are caring for his 9 yr old mother with Alzheimer’s . She lives in a Masonic Village Senior Living facility.
She has had dementia for 11 years.
We are getting close to making the decision to place her in the memory care apartment section of the village.
My husband is sooo patient and good with her. Recently she is getting frustrated easily and isn’t showering.
She of course constantly forgets and repeats things in seconds and gets on a loop of the same subject.
We have been patient and always answer her questions kindly. Changing the subject and breaking the cycle isn’t always easy. Redirection and asking her to help with something she enjoys helps.

We also care for my 92 year old mother how is very lucid, lives in her own small home on one level.

And we are expecting our first grandchild in a few weeks.
We get no other help from family. Sister in law avoids contact and doesn’t even call her mother .
So I’m open for any coping tips , suggestions on care , groups etc.

Thank you for listening
Char