Just an update on DB

concerned_sister

I've had a busy couple of weeks preparing for my home to be painted, having it painted, and now starting the process of moving things from the garage back in to the house.

The weekend before the painting I asked DB to come over and help with the prep work, especially gathering up my e-waste and taking it to the local Staples for recycling. He was very happy to do this for me. We did this on Saturday and I took him to lunch. I invited him back Sunday and he helped take things down to the garage and out of the way of the painters, and again lunch was my treat. It is essential to the soul of who he is to be helpful, and he's helped me with various things (especially tech) over the years. You could just read it in his body language that he was happy to be helpful again.

After the painting he was invited back to help me put up a medicine cabinet. (There was a junky one tossed long before the painting.) The one I bought was a build it yourself then mount it model. That wasn't going well. He suggested we scrap it and go get a fully premade mount only unit. So we did. His problem solving abilities are hit and miss, but as a team we worked out where to mount it (attaching to studs, level with the existing mirror etc). One part of the process was to pound in some anchors for the screws. He wasn't familiar with how these worked, but I coached him trough it. He had the brute strength to pound these in and we successfully mounted it.

On our way back to his house, he was admitting it was hard for him, and he didn't think he could do it. But he appreciated my confidence in him, and telling him he could do it when he didn't think he could. He felt good about himself.

I think we've hit on a formula. His wife works weekends, and he goes walking with friends in the morning, but he had some hours on his own in the mid-day. I plan to slowly repopulate the house, examining the things taken to the garage - do I really want them or is it time to let some stuff ago? I plan to invite him over (a) it's better than him being alone, (b) I can use the help, (c ) he feels good about it.

Iris L.

You are a great sister!

Iris

concerned_sister

Thank you

Jgirl57

I second that ! You are a good sister. You will be able to see his decline as he spends time with you. I remember when my HWD/Alz started having problems putting things together/ assembling things . I had bought a bird cage ( easy to assemble it said on the box) and he was not able to do it correctly . When he was done, I thanked him and later that night had to re-assemble . Now I make a big deal when he folds kitchen towels and I can tell he is proud of himself. Great job sis!

H1235

So glad things are king well.

JDancer

This is great. The time you spend with DB well be eye opening. You will witness his changes which may lead to better communication with SIL. I'm sure she will be grateful for your help.

concerned_sister

Thanks, all. I actually talk to him multiple times a day. I helped DB and SIL set up a budget they could stick to. DB consults me each time they make a spending decision for my "approval". Not that I have veto power, but he likes the positive reinforcement. When it's not finances, there's other things he seeks "approval" for.

Note, prior to diagnosis, the finances really got out of hand in their family. He's talked about looking back and how he was kind of in a fog, and just couldn't find it in himself to reach out for help. It took a lot of prodding from his wife to finally ask for help. I think the relief to have things back under control has also worked as a positive reinforcement, and incentive not to go there again.

(For anyone reading along and worried, we put controls in place, and I have access to monitor everything.)