Cheryl Wirth, transfer mom 93 with dementia to assisted living

Cheryl Wirth

I’ve been taking care of my mother at her house at night and my house during the day . I have become cranky and losing my patience more . I am 72 years old . Have put in application for assisted living memory care home . Do you have any suggestions on how to make the transfer as smooth as possible . I’m sure she will be very combative since she is so dependent on me .

terei

Generally, the staff at the AL can help you with the transition. It sounds as if you have been with her 24/7 + AL may not have the level of attention that she requires.

Quilting brings calm

is she going to the AL side or the MC side - or are they telling you they handle both in the same hallway? Because AL works for people who need help but can be alone between meals, activities and at night - with staff in the building. MC is for those who can’t be left alone that much.

Regardless - the best way to transition is to work with the staff. Get her room set up ( you will probably need movers at your age, I would). Don’t tell her she is moving until you get her there - and only if the staff says to tell her. Get her inside and under the watchful eye of the staff and then leave under the excuse of an errand while she enjoys lunch or an activity. Discuss with the staff in advance about how many days should pass before your first visit.

H1235

In some cases people take their lo to lunch while other family members do the actual move. Then from lunch go to assisted living. If you plan to tell her before I still would not give her much notice. I think this just prolongs the anxiety/anger over the move. When it comes to the move you could also try one family member taking her to Al with a few basics. Maybe time it so you can have lunch at Al with her or just take a walk around the place. Other family members can then pack and move all her things. You know her best. For my mom she would have wanted to bring everything. She insisted she needed a full size sleeper sofa (we did not bring it). She packed may boxes that were not brought. My brother wanted to tell her much sooner than I think was healthy for her. I would put some thought into the clothes you send. Shear blouses that need a camisole underneath might not be a good idea. The ability to understand the need for a camisole might be beyond her ability (I speak from experience with mom). Holiday shirts are another to think twice about unless you’re fine with Christmas in July. I hope everything goes well.