Working Still

CindyBum

Hey all. In a week, I turn 58. A few days later, I'll have been in this new job for a year. We moved and I took on this new job with so much hope. Hope my DW was dealing with an elevated level of anxiety and stress due to long term caregiving of her mother and father with dementia and then both of their deaths. Hope that this new job would provide much need stress relief for me, while still providing an intellectual and social outlet while I supported my DW.

Hope for my DW turned into a rapidly progression dementia analysis. Hope on the job front turned into sort of consistent annoyance, as the less stressful job meant I traded in people and an entire organization that strove for excellence and achieved it, for people who don't care about their jobs at all. I've always been an achiever and a striver and the adjustment to not really being able to do that has shocked me. I'm having a very hard time shrinking myself down to that.

I honestly don't know if my annoyance is just the low grade depression I carry every day, the resentment I carry for the meanness of what dementia is doing to my DW, or if I just don't want to work at this organization. Perhaps I just can't pull it all up to head into work and do the a job the way I used to do it, but that feels like such failure to me and who I've been all my life. Sigh.

If only we had more money and I could just retire, be with the love of my life as much as I can for as long as I can. Heck. Maybe that's what I'm going to do anyway and to heck with having the money to live the kind of life I wanted with travel and dinners and operas. It's not like I can really do those with my DW anyway. Life can be such a dang kick in the pants.

JeriLynn66

"I honestly don't know if my annoyance is just …"

Probably a bit of all of it. Except the failure part. It's hard to be an achiever in the midst of "who cares" kinds of folks. Been there, done that (but not for long).

Have you visited with a financial planner to investigate your options? Or take FMLA? Or change jobs? I know you've already thought of all these things, but a re-visit/re-evaluate?

Big hugs as you consider options. As one member always says: "this disease sucks".

Quilting brings calm

I don’t know what you do for a living… is there any possibility your old job would take you back and either pay to relocate you or allow you to work remotely? Or maybe some other company would allow you to work remotely?

Whyzit2

I have a banner hanging on my front door that reads “BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED.” I see it every time I enter or leave my condo. We get so caught up in our feelings that we drag ourselves down and our feelings are not good drivers for logical decision making.

This may be a good opportunity for you to make a difference where you work by doing your best and being a responsible employee. People will notice your good attitude. Your co- workers performance is not your business so don’t make that be your problem. You can’t make them care. Instead Focus on the benefits you are gaining by working there.
You have gone through a lot of changes in the past year. Sometimes it takes more time to remove ourselves from our previous life and truly embrace where we are now.
If you choose to move on remember your problems will come along with you. All the what ifs? and if onlys are hard to deal with. Give yourself a break…..take a nap…..breathe….,
I pray you will have peace in whatever you decide.

CindyBum

Bloom where you're planted is one of my favorite quotes and I truly believe it. That said, there are just some places where the ground simply isn't fertile.

I definitely take to heart that there have been so many significant changes this year that I'm overwhelmed and still spinning from it. I also trust my gut at this age. I'm not seeing this organization as a good fit, but am not rushing out there to change jobs just yet. I need more data to make this less of an emotional decision.

Time for a financial planner meeting and considerations on my other options.