I haven't seen you in days/weeks/months...

l7pla1w2

My DW is now delusional: she thinks I'm never here. She will say "I haven't seen you in weeks. Where do you live? Where have you been? Who were you with?" Hearing this has been deeply frustrating and distressing, and I don't know how to respond. Needless to say, I am here all the time.

Approaching this rationally, I've begun to realize she thinks I'm not around if she can't see me, if I'm not within view, such as when I'm in another room. She does sometimes call out, "Where are you?"

More recently something more interesting has been occurring. DW keeps a calendar, I think to provide her the memory she no longer has. A by-product of this is that if something isn't in the calendar, it didn't happen. ("I didn't see you at all in January. You're not mentioned anywhere in here.") I'm not mentioned on most days. Why would I be? I live here, and we've lived together 50 years. But now I see I'm going to have to be sure she writes my name in for each day. Maybe then she'll believe I really have been here.

Another facet of all this is that I can't leave DW by herself. She panics and thinks I'm never coming back. And I realized today that she doesn't know what to do in an emergency, namely call 911.

ButterflyWings

As gut-wrenching as it is when we make these observations, kudos to you for noticing and analyzing these changes in your DW. It helps us keep them (and us) safe.

My DH had some near catastrophes with fire, interior flooding, knives, microwave, meds and more… and I was right here in our home at the time. This was before I realized he really had to be supervised in my “line of sight”, at all times.

Sighing but being fully immersed in the reality of dementia is necessary, despite being heartbreaking.

M1

you are exactly right that she is not safe to be alone. My partner lost her sense of time and recognition of me at about the same time, shortly before I had to place her. She remembers nothing of our thirty years together. She still tells me all the time that she hasn’t seen me in weeks. If you’re not right there, she can’t remember your ever being there. It’s both sad and disorienting.

jsps139_

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69623/i-havent-seen-you-in-days-weeks-months

Thanks for directing me to your post. It is just so helpful to read other posts that I am experiencing too. We live in a 700 sq foot apartment. I was cleaning the bathroom (which requires quite a bit of noise) and my DH called my cell phone and left a voice mail asking … where are you? When I came out of the bathroom, he said, “Your phone was ringing.” I checked only to see that it was him calling to find out where I was. He didn’t realize that his calling me on his little flip phone was the cause of my phone ringing … funny but sad.

TyroneSlothrop

I7pla1w2: When my wife started with “I haven’t seen you in weeks”, I translated it into “I’ve really missed you!”, and avoided the debate about whether she should have known where I was. She is learning-disabled, of course, like anyone would be who can’t remember a minute ago. So the only successful conversation is about right now— the view, this bite of lunch, her fingernail.