Moving to ALF

lanie68ny

I finally convinced mom to move to ALF with a little help from her dr. It was not without a battle. That said she moves in 3weeks. I am so new to this dementia illness, I am learning what to say and not say. She is so stressed now and doubly confused. She putting the things she wants to take in bags and cleaned out her closet, then calls me and asked if I did it, she calls and says she changed her mind, I remind her the checks have been cut furniture ordered, and she gets upset. 5 min later like it never happened. I'm fielding 15 calls a day. I really hope this very heightened memory/stress goes away once she moves. It's pretty bad now (not her norm). Is there a book you all can suggest on how to manage someone with dementia.

Thanks

H1235

My mother in law was like this before her move to AL. Multiple calls a day asking the same questions. She was definitely less stressed after she settled in. Her memory continued to be bad. Keep in mind she is not going to be a good judge of what she will need to bring to AL. Both my mom and MIL packed some crazy things that were just not needed. I would recommend going through boxes before they are moved to AL (preferably without her knowing). I would also make sure she has all the essentials, she can’t be trusted to do that. I hope all goes well.

ShaynaPitts

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69655/moving-to-alf

March 10, 2024, something told my mom to go to the ER. The doctor ended ordering a CT on mom's brain because she was having headaches all the time. They ended up.admitting her to the hospital. They put a.coil on mom's aneurysm and during g that procedure she had a major stroke. She had tube down her throat and eventually a trachea. She could swallow or talk for almost 2 months. She went through he'll but she just got home last Tuesday. She's one of those aggrively verbal.abbusive types. It's not east. Communication is the hardest with her. She makes it very hard for me emotionally. I also have a wonderful boyfriend who helps mom out alot as well. TTYS

psg712

Exactly what Chug said. If you are living local to her and the ALF, just take the basics and go back for more (just you, not her) after she settles in. For example, no need to take winter clothing right now.

My mom packed some weird stuff too. Old clothes of my dad's, though he had passed more than ten years prior to her move. Bras that no longer fit since her mastectomy, though the surgery had been 15 years prior. Watch that she doesn't stash meds or food in her luggage. The move is so disorienting, it's common to see worsened confusion for a while. Hang in there, things will settle into a routine after she's been there for a bit.

M1

@lanie: I wouldn’t talk about the move any more if you can avoid it. Maybe defer any further packing etc. until after she is there, maybe you can move/hide the boxes that are already packed so that she doesn’t think about it/trigger off of them constantly.

@Shayna: welcome to the forum. Under groups there is one for new members that has a lot of useful information. Sounds like your mom was critically ill and it may take a long time to see where she’ll settle out.

livefree2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69655/moving-to-alf

Things will look a lot better for you in 3 weeks. I moved mom last year to ALF and I thank God every day that we got her to move.

Re: Packing. Only take what’s in the AL F list for necessities. I had her room all set up the day before the move with her favorite lamp & end table along with a new single bed/mattress (Amazon) and chest of drawers. The day of move my brother brought her recliner + TV. Because she shares a room we can only have a bed/recliner/end table and chest of drawers . If you have a single room…I would add a small table and a couple of chairs. We were able to keep her senior apt for 2 more weeks to clean out. Believe it or not she will need very few things. Because of the dementia, she will not remember or know what she left behind. Try not to clutter the place…and good luck with the move. Hope this helps.

fmb

"The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People who have Alzheimer Disease, Other Dementias, and Memory Loss" by Nancy L. Mace & Peter V. Rabins is highly recommended by a number of people who post here.

To add to the above comments about moving your mom to AL, do not take anything you aren't willing to lose. Leave all valuables at home with you. Even with residents' names all over their belongings, things disappear or are broken. Most of the time missing items were simply misplaced by the resident, but sometimes residents with dementia "go shopping" (not knowing any better) in other residents' rooms. Even though rooms are DH's ALF are to be locked when the resident is not in the room, I've found that housekeeping and other staff will leave his door unlocked. Many of the residents have lost their keys and just leave their doors unlocked or even open all the time.

Another consideration regarding furniture is to keep in mind that as she ages in place there, she may need a wheelchair, necessitating a lot of open floor space in which to maneuver.