New To Group and Need Help

CChamp

Hi all, I am new to this group because I don't know where else to turn. My wife has had Dementia for a few years now. She is steadily getting worse. She can still care for herself but has had increasing bouts of anger and depression. She is diabetic and takes insulin shots and on 3 occasions now has used her low sugar to try to kill herself. Yesterday was the worst one, I finally called my family doctor in desperation and he recommended taking her to a local geriatric psych ER hospital. I have always said I would never put her in a home or leave her anywhere else. My question is this, if it ever does come to this, how can I suggest it to her without making her anger and resentment even worse? I know she would never go willingly. This is so hard that it is also taking its toll on my health. I have read through many stories here and they are so heart breaking. I feel for all of you going through this with a loved one. Thanks for listening. CC

M1

welcome to the forum CChamp, though I am so sorry for what you are facing.

Your wife probably shouldn’t be supervising her own insulin any more, for multiple reasons. It’s hard to take this away from someone who has previously been independent, but she could obviously really hurt herself. You are precisely right that low blood sugar is much more dangerous than high sugar at this point, so perhaps her doc can give you a fixed regimen that you can administer and that will work more or less.

If she is in fact seriously depressed and it was a suicidal attempt, then yes, she should be hospitalized. That would be an easy way to take over her insulin administration also. The folks in the hospital can help you decide whether to bring her home, or whether memory care is in fact an option. You don’t discuss it with her, one way or the other. That’s quite hard to get used to.

Do you hold power of attorney for her? Hopefully so, as you will need it.

Whyzit2

Cchamp, my DH is on insulin too but he is incapable of setting the pen for the correct dosage so I set it and then hand it to him and he then injects it as I watch. I also fill his pill container and watch him take them.
Are you sure she was actually trying to commit suicide? It may be that she is no longer capable of taking the insulin on her own. The same applies to the other medications she takes. It is unfortunate but as her caregiver you most likely need to be in charge of these things now.

Your doctor’s recommendation sounds right too.

(((((Hugs)))))

midge333

My DW has T1D and is on an insulin pump. I have been managing her pump for the past 3 or 4 years. She gradually lost the ability to work the insulin pump controller. Diabetes and dementia is a bad combo.

CChamp

Thank you all, I do manage all of her medicines so I know they are being taken when they are supposed to be. As I was saying in my original post, I am not sure how to even talk to her about getting a power of attorney or anything else, and even if I had one I don't think I could use it to have her put somewhere even if I do know that it might be best. It's like I am sitting on a powder keg and the least wrong move will set it off.

JDancer

Learn as much as possible about dementia before talking to her. Read about anasognosia and the do's and don't about communicating. Conversations can escalate quickly. You are the one with the healthy, reasoning brain, it's up to you to control the narrative. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

M1

Cchamp, talk to a certified elder law attorney asap about getting power of attorney for healthcare and finances, this person can also help update wills, living wills, and if necessary can advise you on how to qualify her for long-term Medicaid should it be needed to finance facility care. A good attorney will know what to say to get her to cooperate, you can also tell her that you're updating your papers too (as you should: she can't serve as your power of attorney or executor, but she doesn't need to be told that). You can find lists of certified elder law attorneys by location at nelf.org. Critical to get this done asap.

Stan2

Have you talked with a geriatric psychiatrist about treating her depression? My wife has suffered from depression for many years and the Alz is far more recent, The dementia symptoms are much milder when we have her depression meds balanced.