When it is time to take cell phone away

atl86

My Mom has been in memory care for 7 months with moderately severe dementia. I'd say she's Early to Middle Stage 5 on the DBAT. She still has her cell phone. I don't think she calls anyone except me, but she receives calls periodically from friends and family. I monitor her email account from my computer and today I noticed that she opened what I immediately recognized as a scam email asking her to Docusign something. Apparently she did because she received another email saying that the document signatures are complete. I'm not going to click on anything using my computer to find out what she signed. When I've been able to sneak a peek at her phone during my weekly visits with her in memory care, I've seen she gets a lot of spam emails and texts that have links that she may or may not be clicking on. I froze her credit over a year ago and she doesn't have any credit cards in her possession. However, she may still remember her social security number and other information that could allow someone to steal her identity. I don't really want to take her phone away because that would cut off her ability to receive calls and texts from friends and family. But, is it time to do that?

dancsfo

It is possible for you to remove access to email and still retain the phone capability? It's also possible to change the phone number and notify friends and family, but eventually, scammers may find the new number.

JeriLynn66

Sadly, it is time. If she can and does click, then it may be too late. I'm sorry. This is hard. But, in order to safeguard your Mom, it has to be done.💔

M1

It’s definitely time to take it away. You can call friends or family on your phone when you’re there to visit, that’s what we do.

H1235

Can you take away or disable internet access so all she has is basic phone. My mom is late stage 4 and we are having to fix her phone all the time. She plays with it til she has it so messed up she can’t get calls. She tells me she is going to just get a new phone since it’s not working and she wants one with a better camera 🙄. I’m not sure what we are going to do. She has a very simple cell phone for the elderly now. My mom is in AL. If your mom is in MC I think it’s probably time. You could go with a land line, but it’s hard to say how long she will be able to use it. My mil eventually had no idea what the noise was when the phone rang.

SusanB-dil

Hi atl86 - My brother set up a 'child-phone' from his account for our mom. It is very limited what calls come in, and there are only a few trusted contacts she can call out. I believe it is through T-mobile, but I would think other providers would have something similar. I would agree to disable the e-mail portion. Maybe change the password.

harshedbuzz

The phone needs to go.

If she is impaired enough to respond to an obvious phishing email, you can bet she'd do the same with a spam caller who is up to no good. She's not safe out in the world without supervision whether that is IRL or virtual.

If she is scammed, you don't get a do over.

HB

atl86

Thanks for all the advice. I just came back from visiting her and I removed her email account from her phone. I had previously removed much of what is available to her on the phone. I checked the texts and there were only 2 (both spam) since I last checked over a month ago. I do is or approaching the time for me to take the phone. Today was not a good day for me to take the phone because she was complaining (and not nicely) that she needs some hairspray, but she can't go to the store because I took her car away. Apparently she will never forget that. 😄

ButterflyWings

If she DocuSigned something you need to find out what it was

fmb

Since she already clicked on the DocuSign email using her phone, could you use her phone (instead of your computer) to check what exactly she signed? Not only do you need to find out what she DocuSigned, you need to be extra vigilant regarding any accounts of any type that she may have. It is good that you have her credit locked down, that should stop the low-level scammer. Unfortunately more sophisticated scams can take that electronic "signature" and attach it to another document. Phone scams are out there that get a person to say "Yes" over the phone. The recording is then used for nefarious purposes by someone pretending to be the person who was scammed. It's a scary world out there!

GothicGremlin

@atl86

That was the thing I did first — I removed my sister's email account from her phone. I also created a white list ('favorites' on an iPhone) and kept the phone on do not disturb. No more spam calls. It's funny, it's what I do with my phone even now. If you're not on my white list, you're not getting in! 😄

Anyway, that strategy worked for awhile, but as she declined, the phone became a huge source of stress for her — she kept misplacing it, couldn't remember how to use it, etc. Finally I told her it was broken and that I'd need to take it to the shop, and was that okay with her? She said yes, and so I made the phone disappear. Forever. She asked about it a couple of times and I said they had to get parts and that it would take some time. Eventually she forgot all about it.

I'm sorry I had to do that, and I'm sorry you're now in a similar situation, but taking away the phone now really is the best thing to do in order to keep her safe.

atl86

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/213746#Comment_213746

When I had her phone, I did open the mail and clicked on the link. It was that crazy Norton subscription one that shows up every now and then. It's hard to tell if she actually signed anything. I've checked her credit card account activity online and nothing has been charged. I have also set up alerts on the credit cards. I will continue to monitor.

atl86

I've done what you recommend until I can take possession of the phone. It's incredibly difficult to protect our loved ones from criminals in the digital age.

fmb

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/213772#Comment_213772

Thank you for posting this. Yet another reason why I don't click on anything I don't recognize. I would love to be able to white list my phone, but I never know who will be calling from hospice. I can't even block restricted numbers because DH's hospice nurse has her number restricted (not that I blame her). Fortunately I disappeared DH's cell phone long before he entered AL when he would call me from the hospital (courtesy of a well-meaning nurse) and simply breathe in my ear.

sandwichone123

First I removed email and FB apps from my spouse's phone and set it so he could only get calls from people in his directory. From there it was only a few weeks until I disappeared the phone. He was calling me dozens of times a day, even when he was around other people. I realized he was "scrolling," or maybe using it like a cigarette to have something to do with his hands, but the only thing left to scroll was calling me.

atl86

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/213783#Comment_213783

I'm starting to have the frequent calling issue with my Mom as well. If I answer, I often hear just the TV going. Sometimes she'll call me to ask if I had called her. I think it is like you said, just scrolling and seeing my name in recent calls. She is accustomed to me asking to see her phone to update the "software," so the next time I do that, I'll tell her it is broken and I need to take it to the repair shop.

Iris L.

Victoriaredux, I never heard of DocuSign. Thanks for posting the warning.

Iris