Anther story about PWD working and risking being fired

Belle

Today I was cleaning out some paperwork that DH had left scattered around the basement and I found a disciplinary warning letter from his boss dated from 2018. He never told me about the letter while he was employed so finding it was a shock. He retired in 2021 after I got some info that he was in trouble at work for another issue which he previously had told me was resolved. He did not want to retire in 2021 and I really had to force the issue and agree to retire myself to get him on board with the idea. If I had known about either issue sooner I would have pushed him to apply for disability (he has a chronic illness too) instead of waiting until he was eligible to retire.

At the point both of those warnings happened he was complaining of memory issues, was very easily agitated, and was unable to finish any projects at home. Obviously those issues carried over to work too. He could of been fired at any point between 2018 and 2021 and I am so thankful that did not happen but I'm also pretty mad that he hid all of that from me. I almost wish I never found that piece of paper.

M1

it’s a cautionary tale Belle. Glad you got by without more damage. I think the message to others is to heed your instincts and to be proactive.

Iris L.

This is why I urge members to look at the PWD's annual employee performance review for warnings of poor performance. PWDs should go out on short term leave of absence (sick leave) pending completion of the medical and neurological testing. This will allow time to search for a dementia mimic and to gather documents in order to apply for long term disability benefits.

Family members have to become proactive because the PWD develops anosognosia and also executive function deficits (cannot do anything).

Iris

Belle

I think the advice given is good except in our case it would not have helped. DH had a long history of hiding things from me including his yearly evaluations so I honestly had no clue. And even today he does not have a dementia/cognitive impairment diagnosis so I just thought it was his normal difficult behavior which had been on-going for many, many years. Hopefully others have a better relationship with their LO or they have better luck at getting a diagnosis before the employment issues begin.

Edited to add that by 2018 he had already gone through 2 rounds of neuropsych testing and there was no diagnosis other than some memory loss related to SLE.

Arrowhead

My wife never told me about her reprimand's, either. I didn't realize how bad off she was until her shop steward called and told me about the problems. Luckily, she was allowed short term medical leave to determine the problem. That's how we got her diagnosis.

Iris L.

Belle, I have lupus, too and I had abnormal neurocognitive tests attributed to lupus. That was all, no one paid attention until my life came to a standstill. I finally got a referral to a neurologist and a neuropsychologist and my difficulties were documented. The gist of this is that no one pays attention unless and until someone takes initiative and insists on real testing and a real conclusion. Sad, but true.

Years ago I posted with a member whose DH was an airline pilot with memory loss. She complained because he did not mention his memory lapses at his annual medical evaluation. There are probably many people whose lapses are noted or excused by some common belief, such as being stressed.

Iris

Belle

@Iris L. I agree 100% with what you are saying about lupus and cognitive issues. I've been advocating for him for 10 years now and maybe his 4th round of testing in August (over a 10 year period) will finally get a diagnosis that makes sense with what I see on a day to day basis.