Delusions

RetaMeta55

My LO when he gets angry with me he accuses me of having affairs. Today I caught him sneaking food to our overweight dog in which I have had him on a diet for the past couple of months. I got angry with my LO for doing so. I tried to apologize for getting angry and told him i don't like being lied to. When he gets angry with me he will accuse me of having affairs. He gets very graphic with these accusations and it is very upsetting. I know I should walk away from this or try to change the subject and it is so so hard for me not to get so upset. I need some healthy coping skill other than my anger.

LynnBonser

I feel your pain. My hubby tells me I'm wrong & I don't care about him. He's telling people I don't feed him.

It's hard, but apparently the best thing you can do is agree w/him. According to the literature I've read this disease changes their brain. They aren't who we fell in love w/back in the day.

I have found calling the 800 number & speaking w/one of the specialists to be helpful. They reassure me I'm not awful & provide a coping tool to try.

It's also helpful to remember we, as care providers, must learn these new habits. Our LO has no control how they are being changed, but we do.

I know it's hard. I hope I was a little helpful.

Lynn

RetaMeta55

Thank you Lynn for your note and I will consider calling the 800 #.

M1

Welcome to the forum RetaMeta. Delusions about affairs arr pretty common, as are angry outbursts. There are medications that can help, you should definitely discuss these things with his docs.

Ed1937

If he is accusing you of having affairs, please do not agree with him on that one. It is very common, and it hurts like hell. But never admit to that. Change the subject. In most cases, agreeing with things that are untrue is the right thing to do for both of you. It comes from a diseased brain, and it's not his fault.

SDianeL

remember that you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken. He has zero control. Try not to take it personally. Distract him. Agree you need to see if he needs medication for agitation.

harshedbuzz

@LynnBonser

My dad accused my mom and I of all manner of malfeasance. It sucks.

Mostly I was a thief or stupid. Turns out he was accusing me of the loss of $360K he had day-trading early in the disease. It was always that amount and I didn't figure where that number came from until I went through his investment records after his death. Dad and I didn't enjoy an easy relationship, so I was emotionally able to compartmentalize this fairly easily as a broken brain talking.

He accused mom of all kinds of sexual shenanigans in the most crudely graphic manner possible. It was particularly cruel to hear, as she'd been the victim of his infidelities earlier in their marriage and it dredged all of that back up. Her denying it only incensed him more and prolonged the ugliness. I got called over to do damage control on a number of occasions. One thing that did seem to help was for me to gush about how awesome a catch he was and how mom would never step out with another since she already had such a stellar hunk of manhood at home. This worked well for me and even dad's brother, but only made him worse if mom tried it.

What helped the most was proactively medicating him to dial back his delusions and aggression. He was on a cocktail of psychoactive meds including an antipsychotic. In your shoes, I would attempt to get him into to see a geriatric psychiatrist for medication management.

HB

trottingalong

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/214212#Comment_214212

I cannot imagine what you and your mother went through.