Alf soon

lanie68ny

Mom is 83 and doesn't have a formal diagnosis yet, but Definitely some sort of dementia. We have a neurologist appt in Sept. Due to her memory, she needs help, with meds, food, and some Healthcare. After her last surgery I finally got her agree to move to ALF, Dr' all agree. She's supposed to move in July 12th.

She is now calling me saying she doesn't want to go, she doesn't need to go, etc... I know change is scary, but for her health and safety this is the best option. I know I cannot "Reason" with her. Any tips???

M1

welcome to the forum. Don't discuss it any further, and don't have her help pack. You can get her set up with a mininum of possessions and take other things once she is moved. On the day of, have someone take her out to breakfast or elsewhere while you accomplish the move, then have the staff meet you at the door—perhaps in time for lunch or a late morning activity, which will distract her. The staff have done this many times. If you need more time, perhaps have her stay with you or someone else the night before, who can then deliver her to the ALF the next morning.

One cautiion: one thing we see frequently here is that a loved one is moved to AL, when what is really needed is memory care. There is even a "bait and switch" mentality at some ALF's, who accept people knowing full well that they will need to move to MC within a few months. Hope that's not the case for your mother, but it's best to go in with your eyes open.

It's never easy, and I'm sure others will chime in. You have come to a good place for advice and support.

Quilting brings calm

I don’t know how these conversations have been going… but keep it very short and redirect. Some variation of one of these:

We’ve already paid and can’t get a refund. What did you do yesterday?

We will talk about any changes with the doctor in September. What are your plans for tomorrow?

We’ve planned on repairs to be made to the house. It will be much more pleasant at the ALF while those are being done. Did you watch the new episode of ‘xyz’ last night.